So says Ryan Seacrest introducing tonight's "American Idol" results show. The shock isn't, apparently, that the show will be dragged out to an hour tonight, but, it seems, who's in the bottom three and who's leaving. Wow! Ryan's in a real suit!
The first half of the show is frittered away promoting a record -- I think it's for charity -- that the finalists are making. It's a horrid, maudlin song with lines line "Every time you touch me, I become a hero." We see the kids in the studio, marveling at the equipment. Sure is complicated and fancy! And then they perform the song on stage, and the choreography is a hilarious sleepwalk -- presumably designed around the least able dancer in the group, who -- I'm just going to guess -- is Scott. We see Carrie rocking her chaste pelvis from side to side like a teeter-totter. They're all in jeans, except Nadia, who's wearing a fabulous evening gown.
Announcing the bottom three, Ryan makes each one, upon hearing the news, get right up and sing a song. The poor kids are put through the wringer. (In an earlier segment, we saw how hard they worked each day of the week. Sunday is not the day of rest, but the day of filming a Ford commercial.)
Scott is the first to get the bad news, and, given his choice of favorite song so far, sings "Against All Odds." We see Simon cringing: he wants Scott off the show.
Shocker! Bo is in the bottom three! I guess people forgot to vote for him. Or, more likely, his fans have switched over to Constantine.
Constantine is told he's safe, and just before that, Simon is asked what he meant last night by calling him "astonishing." Some people thought he meant it sarcastically, but Simon says it really worked. He wouldn't have thought it would work to try "Bohemian Rhapsody," but it did.
Anwar and Carrie have already heard they're safe. Now, Anthony and Vonzell are told they are safe too. So that puts Nadia in the bottom three -- the only one I predicted would end up at the bottom. She sings "You Don't Have To Say You Love Me." She gets my award as the coolest looking person ever on the show, but I think she'll leave. Her or Scott.
They do the thing of saving one of the three next. And it's Scott! Screams of amazement!
Oh, no! Don't let it be Bo! "America has decided that Bo..." -- oh, no! -- "you are safe." Yay!!!
Poor Nadia, beautiful Nadia, must leave. Goodbye, Nadia! Lots of people thought she was going to win. But it is not to be.