March 22, 2008

Enough with all the singlism and matrimania.

Writes Bella DePaulo:
What may be less obvious is that if reports [of the supposed health benefits of marriage] were more accurate and less caricatured, that would also be good for anyone who is, or wants to be, coupled. When singles are stigmatized, there is a risk that some people will be tempted to couple and marry for the wrong reasons — to escape the cultural muck that comes with being single. When singles are no longer marginalized or demeaned, then people who want to couple can do so from a position of strength. Rather than running away from singlehood to escape the stigma, they can move toward marriage or coupling as something they want to embrace.
Ah, but what if they don't? 

The pleasures of singlehood must be kept hush-hush. It's not a legitimate life style, you hear?

20 comments:

Mortimer Brezny said...

What are the pleasures of singlehood?

Chet said...

You can collect alimony.

Middle Class Guy said...

The pleasures of singlehood must be kept hush-hush. It's not a legitimate life style, you hear?


I ain't sayin nuthin.



Mortimer Brezny said...
What are the pleasures of singlehood?


See above. Hush hush, and all that old man.

Trooper York said...

I hate to disagree with my brother Middle Class Guy, but getting married was the best thing I ever did in my life. My wife cured me of my wandering rambling ways and calmed me down. A partner in the foxhole is the greatest thing to have in life, I have been blessed. But that's just me, everyone has their own perspective. Now excuse me, I have to put out the garbage and go to the bodega and get the wife some tampons.

Middle Class Guy said...

All these studies. A few years ago the studies said married men were healthier and lived longer. Then it was the women who benefitted. Now the couple benefits. What next? Will they tell us that parenthood is the lost elixir to a long and healthy life? We have alternate lifestyles and now illigitimate lifestyles, What will they call the lifestyle of childless couples?

Ron said...

What tha?!? I'm not legitimate? Welll...I always knew I was a bastard!

Middle Class Guy said...

The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
Alan Patrick Herbert

There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.
Clint Eastwood (1930 - )

One man's folly is another man's wife.
Helen Rowland (1876 - 1950)

Trooper York said...

Ralph: I have - I've got an explanation. A perfect one. I'm a dope. Not a run-of-the-mill dope, the world's champ. For years I've been talking for granted the most wonderful thing tht's ever happened to me - you. I've never shown you the appreciation you deserve, Alice. You could walk outta that door right now and I wouldn't blame you. You deserve something better than me. There are a million guys who'd give you anything if they could have a girl like you.
Alice: Ralph, I don't want a million. There's just one guy I want: you.
Ralph: Baby, you're the greatest.
(The Honeymooners, 1955)

titusisfeelingzenthankyou said...

Althouse and I's marriage will be a green marriage.

I am going to be dressed a the jolly green giant and Althouse will be dressed as a pea pod.

In lieu of gifts the ASPCA will be there and you can either adopt a real pet or pay for the adoption for someone else to have a pet.

I just got a hold of Elephant Memory and the remaining members will be playing at our wedding.

The weddding will be BYOD-bring your own dog.

The head table will be the queen, myself and the rare clumbers.

titusisfeelingzenthankyou said...

Also, at the wedding I will consider flashing my hog for money.

Roger Sweeny said...

The studies that link marriage and happiness are very strong. So are the studies that link schooling and income.

Neither, however, proves causation. In most cases, I suspect it goes the other way.

Happier people are more likely to get and stay married. People who have successful qualities (drive, focus) are more likely to get a lot of schooling.

And of course, there are the many who don't fit the pattern, the Bill Gates who drops out of Harvard, the Ann Althouse who appreciates the pleasures of singlehood.

rhhardin said...

The chief fight in a divorce is who gets the dog.

Middle Class Guy said...

rhhardin said...
The chief fight in a divorce is who gets the dog.



So true. When my first wife and I divorced, on the page of the decree that listed who gets what, the last line was the wife will keep the dog!!!!

I lost the wife, the house, and the dog.

Middle Class Guy said...

titusisfeelingzenthankyou
The head table will be the queen, myself and the rare clumbers.

And where will the bride, Althouse be?

blake said...

MCG is a country western singer?

Daryl said...

And where will the bride, Althouse be?

ROFL @ "the queen, myself"

Of course, it may have been deliberate, in which case, it's not that funny.

Moose said...

Why, I oughta...

Marriage is divise to discuss and illuminating to discover. Marriage has been both trivialized and demonized in the last 30 years - and now is getting something of a rehabilitation now that singlehood is getting old.

Nothing worse than seeing 2 50-somethings on a date. It's a parody of an act that was supposed to have had produced results in your 30's (at the latest).

Marriage is endlessly frustrating and quietly fullfilling. Not every moment is a Cialas commercial, nor is it the Brady Bunch.

On the whole, however it's better than hanging out at coffee shops and taking photos of tip jars...

Bella said...

Hi Ann,
Many thanks for posting an excerpt from my blog! I do want to clarify, though -- I may well be the most unabashedly non-defensive person when it comes to being single. I do not in the least believe that it is illegitimate or that the pleasures must be kept quiet! In fact, my book, "Singled Out: How singles are stereotyped, stigmatized, and ignored, and still live happily ever after," suggests quite the opposite. True, I noted in my blog that reducing singlism is also good for people who want to be coupled, but that was just to include them, and not at all to exclude people (like me) who are happily single. --Bella DePaulo

Mortimer Brezny said...

Obviously, Bella's lack of humor stems from her unhappiness at being single. All the blogposts in the world won't find youa husband, Bella!

Zoe said...

There are a lot of pleasures of singlehood. Instead of spending my disposable income on my husband/kids I spend my money on house, clothing, vacations, movies, plays, books. I just took a better job in a different city because I didn't have to stay with a husband. I travel over the summer anywhere I want. I listen to negative things some husbands say to their wives and I realize I don't have to put up with that. A date any day of the week is just a Craigslist ad away. Singlism is ridiculous, especially when many single women are happier alone than in a marriage.