January 29, 2009

"20 strategies for getting pregnant."

I can think of one! But okay, let's read the list...
1. Water....

Yikes! Is this that swimming pool story I heard about?

39 comments:

Ophir said...

From the article in the teen site:
So people don't have to worry about ejaculate in pools, bathtubs, or jacuzzis.
Good to know!

dbp said...

1. Go to a bar...

Henry Buck said...

dbp - did you read the article? Because the list says "stop alcohol consumption." If you are really ugly, though, you, yourself might stop driking but still need to look for a sperm source who is inebriated.

dbp said...

That alcohol claim is a load.

The only studies that showed mental retardation were with women who where alcoholics. No study has shown any link between moderate alcohol intake and infertility or birth defects.

It is kind of like the report that led to Sacchirine being considered a carcinogen--the lab animals were fed so much of it that it crystallized out in their kidneys and guess where they got tumors?

Original George said...

"Wildcrafted" Raspberry leaves tone the uterus!

#12

FertiliTea is the natural, healthful - and delicious - herbal tea designed to support the entire reproductive system and help optimize your chances of conceiving. Designed by fertility expert Amos Grunebaum, MD, FertiliTea is the only herbal tea that offers a complete spectrum of carefully selected fertility-enhancing ingredients.
How Does FertiliTea Support Reproductive Health?

Chasteberry (Vitex) stimulates the hormones involved in ovulation and restores female hormonal balance. It’s useful in normalizing pituitary gland function and the balance of progesterone and estrogen levels. Vitex is used as an herbal treatment for infertility and is especially helpful for women with irregular cycles, ovulate issues, or a short luteal phase (a shortened second half of the menstrual cycle). The effectiveness of Vitex increases over time with continued use.

Red Raspberry Leaf is highly regarded for its ability to tone the uterus and muscles of the pelvic region. A
highly nutritive ingredient, Red Raspberry is a powerful fertility-promoting herb, especially when used in
combination with Peppermint.

Green Tea is a powerful antioxidant that enhances reproductive health by repairing the oxidative damage that occurs naturally as the result of environmental toxins and aging. A study from the American Journal of Public Health found that drinking 1/2 cup or more of green tea daily doubled the odds of conception per cycle. Due to the inclusion of Green Tea, there is a very slight touch of caffeine (equal to just 1/25th a cup of coffee).

Ladies Mantle is a “tonic” (tones and brings health) herb that is useful in regulating a woman’s monthly cycle. It also exerts a toning effect on the cervix.

Nettle Leaf contains a wide spectrum of vitamins and minerals that are critical to good reproductive health, including Vitamins A, C, D, K, Potassium, Phosphorous, Iron, and Sulfur. Nettle Leaf also contains Calcium – a mineral that affects a woman’s ability to conceive and maintain pregnancy.

Peppermint Leaf gives FertiliTea a delicious flavor & has the added benefit of serving as a sexual stimulant!

The ingredients in FertiliTea are all organic or wildcrafted, of the freshest and highest quality, and our healthful blend contains no preservatives and no additives. The tea comes in a tamper-evident, resealable pouch, which is air-tight and moisture-proof for freshness.

"FertiliTea is an all-natural, herbal tea with fertility-enhancing properties. Each ingredient was carefully selected to support fertility, promote reproductive wellness, and increase your chances of conceiving" - Amos Grunebaum, MD

$14.95

Just buy some wine and get drunk.....

Freeman Hunt said...

Most important strategy: Don't put off having children. More fertile years = more chances to conceive.

mcg said...

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

Triangle Man said...

Freemen Hunt advocates trying early, and I would add to try often. Sex every day.

MadisonMan said...

So people don't have to worry about ejaculate in pools, bathtubs, or jacuzzis.

Sorry, I will. If someone is rude enough to jizz all over in public, they're gonna be rude enough to do other things that you should worry about.

Joe said...

#1: Try getting pregnant at 20.

#2: Have the physiology of my wife and the women in my family.

#3: For the man: go to a doctor and have a sperm count and motility test done.

#4: For the woman: go to a doctor and have fertility tests run.

#5: If #3 and #4 are good, use various tests to find out when the woman ovulates and have lots of sex.

former law student said...

Four of those strategies (no alcohol!) are just nannyism having nothing to do with getting pregnant.

Further, a certain amount of hip propping enhances the missionary position, and need not be delayed.

Tibore said...

"Ophir said...
From the article in the teen site:
So people don't have to worry about ejaculate in pools, bathtubs, or jacuzzis.
Good to know!"


Well, people don'thave to worry about getting pregnant from it. But just saying "people don't have to worry" period is a bit, mmmm... overencompassing, shall we say? Because if I were a girl in a pool and if I'd have sees that there, lemme tell ya, pregnancy would NOT be the ONLY worry I'd have!

Synova said...

Absolutely...

Early and often.

We aren't meant to have our first child at 35.

Another good trick is an overseas deployment of at least six months. (Someone ought to do a study some day to see if that's just an issue of the imposed abstinence or if there is a hormonal element responding to the return of a bonded mate.)

Bob said...

"Another good trick is an overseas deployment of at least six months."

Actually, deploying in a mixed gender unit appears to work magic on both ends of deployment tour. A significant number of pregnancies will be discovered in the couple of months on both sides of deployment date (both to female soldiers and to wives). And then the spike of births occur at the nine month mark from redeployment. Of course the resentment is directed at female soldiers who become pregnant just before or early into deployment - they become non-deployable. A problem sure to drive the Commander and adjutants crazy.

Sloanasaurus said...

I agree with some of the other posts.

21. Get married.

22. Get married in your 20s.

Fritz said...

Every other day, but remember to pray so that you can tell your children that they were conceived in love.

Pogo said...

Strategeries?
What, are they invading Iraq or Irene?

Mark O said...

Isn't this rich. Of course, there are the few who claim virgin birth by arguing, into middle age, that their pregnacy resulted from sitting by a boyfriend in the hot tub. Toilet seat? Hair brush?

What's your favorite?

Zeb Quinn said...

Sex every day.

Twice a day for 2 weeks works like a charm.

traditionalguy said...

The best way comes naturally. Put this article down to, "I have to submit something to be publised by noon tomorrow to get paid" pressures and a creative author's imagination. Has she tried fresh garlic no more than 30 days harvested? That should keep the man's strength up. Plus she can get a free PETA vegan membership, provided she doesn't eat meat when she does it.

Fred4Pres said...

I disagree with this:

"Alcohol. Stop alcohol consumption. According to a report from the Mayo Clinic, alcohol is one of the few causes of mental retardation that is preventable by stopping consumption ahead of time."

I agree the woman should stop drinking once she becomes pregnant, but there are millions of people alive who would not be, except for the fact their parents were drunk when they were conceived.

Fred4Pres said...

"Fritz said...
Every other day, but remember to pray so that you can tell your children that they were conceived in love.

1:03 PM"

That is a nice thought Fritz. I have to admit though my thoughts were a bit more carnal, when my wife and I conceived our kids. Oh there was (and remains) love, but I can't say my mind was on praying. Actually our first conception involved me getting jumped every time I came home for about eight weeks till it took. After the well was primed, however, the following kids just happened in the natural course of things.

traditionalguy said...

Overseas deployment to a war zone, followed by a welcome home by wives or gilfriends who have waited for you, is the most potent method known to man. About the 9th to 10th month after April 1 1991, in Fayetteville, NC and for years therafter thr Toys-r-Us parking lot and checkout line was plastered, and you had to hope they wern't sold out. Talk about an economic stimulus. The 82nd is 20,000+ men, and they had all left town in 1 to 2 weeks in August 1990 to sit in the summer desert sand with rifles and light MG's guarding Saudi Arabia's oil from Saddam's tanks. They stood their ground waiting for 4 months for America's heavy armor shipped out of Ft Stewart, GA to join them. They came home victorious on April 1, 1991 with a whole new outlook on the presciousness of the USA, and desiring for a human a life to carry on after they are gone.

save_the_rustbelt said...

Many doctors think you should do the following:

1) abstain for about 4 days before ovulation

2) have sex nonstop for four days


Even if it doesn't work, makes for a great four days!

Triangle Man said...

Note the sources of expertise:

"Compiled from medical professionals and women who have conceived, the following 20 tips for getting pregnant have worked for women across the globe?"

Translated as "people for whom I have e-mail addresses."

Pogo said...

I advise infertile patients to plant a potato and a St. Joseph medal in the back yard.

It does nothing at all, but it's fun to mess with people.



Kidding, kidding.

Chip Ahoy said...

A lady friend of mine said it was common in her circle at the time she went to school that taking Geretol, whatever that is, an iron supplement I think, pretty much guaranteed getting pregnant. She said the quip of her day was, "a baby in every bottle." She is a member of a racial sub-cultural group, if that makes any difference.

Pogo said...

"a baby in every bottle."

The bottles must have been pretty big, then.





Sorry.

Henry Buck said...

"A baby in every bottle"

I thought that was the marketing slogan for peach schnapps.

blake said...

Jaeger.


(In case Troop misses this thread.)

Pogo said...

20 strategies for getting pregnant.

50 ways to leave your lover.


Hmmmm.

Ralph said...

After the well was primed
How nice to describe your wife like that, are you one of those men who'll fuck a hole in the ground?

Synova said...

What?

The "well was primed" was referring to getting pregnant the first time, after which the following conceptions seemed to come more easily.

I'm trying to decide how that is disrespectful to the Fred's wife. It's not a romantic image, and I sort of doubt that subsequent pregnancies are easier to catch, but is it actually worse than "bun in the oven" or anything else?

Synova said...

I mean... I can see a woman saying the exact same thing with that or any number of other similarly unromantic metaphors... once the wall was breached, the way was paved...

newton said...

If you are overweight or obese, lose the pounds. Exercise regularly. Eat right. Take supplements - especially B-complex with folic acid.

A few years ago, I was 32 and way too overweight. I needed help because I already was feeling that some ailments were creeping upon me. So, I hooked up with a nutritionist: she set up a weight loss game plan for me, which I followed faithfully. Ten to eleven months later, I had lost eighty pounds: from a tight size 20 to a size 8, going on 6. Since that time, I've been taking a B-complex multivitamin with folic acid.

Well, at the tenth to eleventh month, I received the surprise of my life: I had become pregnant for the first time. I gained a lot of weight during the pregnancy, but I still exercised and ate right, and then delivered a healthy baby girl. I continued exercising with baby on stroller after my recovery time was over, and lost thirty pounds - not a whole lot, but enough to get the shock of my life eighteen months after my daughter's birth: I'm pregnant again.

As I type this, I'm about ten days away from my due date - with yep, another girl. After her birth, I might have to reconsider the healthy habits. I want to wear those nice size 8 jeans again. But again, if I get healthy again, I will never wear them anyway - a pregnancy has a nasty habit of sneaking up on me. And with two girls, how the heck am I going to have time to exercise? An everyday cat-fight awaits me, and they will need a referee...

(Oh, one further note: if a woman takes a B-complex multivitamin at least six months before her pregnancy, she will have a good advantage during the first trimester. B6 has been proven to keep morning sickness at bay. I can just about swear by it.)

theobromophile said...

Um... doesn't the vast majority of that article amount to, "Treat your body right, and it will function the way it's supposed to"? The one thing it missed was stated above: have kids in your 20s (or early 30s).

Really, your average semi-literate medieval peasant could have figured this stuff out.

bearing said...

Well, your average highly educated urbanite seems to have trouble with the "don't wait till you're 38" part.

And that's the part the article doesn't mention.

Jerry MD said...

Nice!
-------------
pregnant

Jerry MD said...

Nice!
-------------
pregnant