January 30, 2009

"My counselor says I'm a heterosexual with complications, whatever that means."

Poor Ted Haggard.
Does he think God hates homosexuals?

"No, I do not,' Haggard responded. "Actually, in this process, Jesus proved his faithfulness to me more than ever. He said he came for the unrighteous, not for the righteous. He said he would leave the 99 and go for the one that wandered away. That's good for me."
And what about Gayle?
"Gayle is the hero of the story.... Gayle is not co-dependent. She's not weak, but out of her strength and her devotion, she said, 'I'm going to stay with him.' And because of it, she lost the vast majority of her friends and the fellowship of the church.... [T]hrough this counseling process that I've been through, I'm very secure in who I am in my relationship with my wife. Actually, my wife and I always had a wonderful relationship, which confused me. And now, it's better than ever, and I have no compulsive behaviors anymore. It's been great being able to process through these last two years."
Sex, the process.

63 comments:

Mark O said...

Isn't it wonderful to know what Jesus would do?

onparkstreet said...

The whole Oprah-Larry King culture of disgraced-whatevers-trying-to-redeem-themselves is like one big societal case of TMI.

(TMI = too much information, of course. Do I really need to know all this? In that vein, I only skimmed the excerpts and refuse to click on the link. TMI, you know.)

former law student said...

Haggard's not gay, he just likes to jack off with other guys. If you don't touch the other guys, you're not gay, right?

Bissage said...

Jesus has never said so much as one word to me so maybe I should start thinking better of myself.

Rob said...

He admitted, "I deserved what I received. And so the way my view is, if people hate me, if people resent me, if people call me names, that's justice. I deserve that. If somebody's kind or gives me grace or is gentle, then that's a gift."

No. Justice would be if he divorced his wife and went to the Netherlands and married that homosexual prostitute he slept with, only to find out several weeks later that the prostitute had suddenly been "cured" of his homosexual tendencies and was now cheating on ted with ted's ex-wife.

Michael H said...

Actually, my wife and I always had a wonderful relationship, which confused me.

I'm a heterosexual with complications.

Duh. Please contact Jim McGreevy for additional information regarding your situation.

TosaGuy said...

Liking where you live, squirrels, sex and blog traffic. So how can we tie all these together?

Titus'sStimulusPackage said...

Leave Ted Haggard alone. He is a hetero and his wife and him have great sex.

He has just been sucking cock since he was 16 but that doesn't mean he is gay. How long before he falls off the wagan again? I predict 3-4 months.

Is his 25 year old son a hetero with complications? If so, he needs to call me.

peter hoh said...

Ted Haggard. My mind always hyperlinks his name to this clip.

Watch the second half of the clip, in which Haggard suggests that the filmmaker is sleeping around. A classic example of projecting.

chuck b. said...

I've tried to find a lesson in Ted Haggard, but all I can come up with is, don't let Jesus' people talk to you about homosexuality.

traditionalguy said...

Destruction by your compulsion is a true "complication. Now how does the Christian's reputation for wisdom and insight survive this exposure of being so easily tricked by Ted the Wonder Evangelist? This is in para materia with Bernie Madoff, the Wonder Hedgefunder. Ronald Reagan's motto for his dealings with the Evil Empire, "Trust, but verify" will be the only way to survive in the new times a coming. Every one who acts like he is the new super-successful person will probably be an Evil Empire representative. The meek and truthful shall inherit this earth, not the latest actors everyone wants to believe have the answer to everything. Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Meade said...

Bissage: Jesus told me you are, and I quote, "A-OK."

Said He would've told you Himself but didn't want to give you, and I quote, "grandiosity issues."

He's already got a lot on His plate, you know, what with trying to forgive all the unrepentant self-delusional complisexuals along with the plethora of well-intentioned fools who thwart His will by not letting their dogs finish off the god-blessed squirrel kills out in the yard where vomited squirrel belongs.

Titus'sStimulusPackage said...

I wish Jesus would speak to me.

Joe R. said...

Some people are so willfully unaware of themselves that they wreak havoc on the lives of everybody around them by "discovering themselves". Haggard just needs to man up and admit he's gay.
The main lesson you should take from Haggard is that men who focus large amounts of their time fervently decrying homosexuality and the gays are probably hiring male prostitutes. Strangely women who spend vast amounts of their time doing the same thing, aren't as likely to be "heterosexual with complications." Weird.

traditionalguy said...

Titus... Ask Him to, and you may be surprised.

Mark O said...

Jesus is just all right, you know?

Stupid fig tree.

Joe R. said...

traditionalguy said...
Now how does the Christian's reputation for wisdom and insight survive this exposure of being so easily tricked by Ted the Wonder Evangelist?

Having "grown up in the church", my only response is "wisdom and insight, my ass". I could spend several hours detailing the non-sense that some people carry out in churches. They weren't tricked by Haggard--they willfully chose to overlook what I am sure were numerous signs in order to maintain the status quo and keep the church from suffering a PR nightmare. In a similar vein, the Madoff people weren't tricked either--they chose to ignore the warning signs because of the ridiculously high amount of returns: if they had lost money sooner, this would have been a story two or three years ago and not as much money lost.

Freeman Hunt said...

Complications like wanting to have sex with dudes?

I think that complication should bring him back to the initial assertion...

Palladian said...

"Complications like wanting to have sex with dudes?"

That's not a bug, it's a feature!

jdeeripper said...

"My counselor says I'm a heterosexual with complications, whatever that means."

Earth to Ted - YOU'RE A HOMOSEXUAL.

But you were raised in a culture that made it clear to you that being a homosexual was evil and disgusting and a sin.

Bill Clinton is a heterosexual with complications. You Ted are what is know as a homo, etc...

peter hoh said...Ted Haggard. My mind always hyperlinks his name to this clip.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

Jon Stewart on Ted.

Well, not literally.

MadisonMan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MadisonMan said...

reader, you took the words right outta my mouth.

There's something else in Haggard's.

Titus'sStimulusPackage said...

I just spoke to Jesus and he told me to go over to Palladians place and give it to him good.

Salamandyr said...

So, let me get this straight. Ted Haggard is married and supposedly has sex with his wife. But he also occasionally has sex with men. So that means he's gay. Do I have that right?

What about all those times that he's having sex with his wife? Does that mean he's occasionally non-gay? Does it mean he's closing his eyes and thinking of men?

Human sexuality is a lot more complicated than our binary gay or straight choices give it credit for being.

Salamandyr said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Meade said...

Palladian said...
"Complications like wanting to have sex with dudes?"

That's not a bug, it's a feature!


It's comments like that and the humor therein that make me think: but for being so damn boringly sexually uncomplicated, I could really go for a guy like Palladian.

Zachary Paul Sire said...

It's not gay as long as the balls don't touch.

Palladian said...

I encourage more masculine straight men to explore their inner complications.

Meade said...

Palladian: I simply am the way my creator made me. No amount of encouragement can force a round peg into a square hole. So to speak.

Please try to respect that.

Palladian said...

"Palladian: I simply am the way my creator made me. No amount of encouragement can force a round peg into a square hole. So to speak.

Please try to respect that."

I wasn't talking about you, I said masculine straight men.

Palladian said...

Wait... are there two different Meades? The Meades in this thread link to different Blogger profiles... Which is the green-pants Meade with the skinny legs?

Meade said...

Ha ha ha!

You are a riot! A complicated riot but, hey, not a thing wrong with that.

Beth said...

reader, are you deleting comments again? What's up with that???

Quayle said...

"Gayle is the hero of the story.... Gayle is not co-dependent. She's not weak, but out of her strength and her devotion, she said, 'I'm going to stay with him.' And because of it, she lost the vast majority of her friends and the fellowship of the church....

If you want one determinative sign that her “friends” and their church aren’t remotely knowledgeable of Christ, there it is.

The personal fault be in Haggard, as it is in all of us to varying degrees.

But the bigger fault be in the philosophy and structure of evangelical churches that cultishly form around self-selected paid ministers, some of them to an almost rock star status.

And the structural flaw is most revealed when something like Haggard happens, it destroys both the congregation and the minister.

traditionalguy said...

Our reputations do derive from the associates we spend our time with. So Haggard has done tremendous harm to the reputation of Christians, sometimes called Evangelicals. Joe R was correct in his comment. The love of the truth is not given a high priority in many Church organisations, as it is not in most places anymore. Try out the advice in Psalm 1, for a safer life in or out of a Church. I remember that Time Magazine, then owned by a famous Catholic family, once stated that there were only three major Religious traditions in the US: Jewish, Christian, and Protestant.

MadisonMan said...

Oops -- Freeman, not reader.

Revenant said...

I'm heterosexual with complications. My complication is that the strip clubs in San Diego are horrible.

Bissage said...

Meade has long been one of my favorite commenters.

I'm going to get seriously upset if Althouse turns into a real life version of one of those hokey 1960s split screen dilemmas.

A: Shoot him. Shoot him.

B: No, shoot him. He's the fake.

A: No, he's the fake! Only the fake would tell you he's not the fake.

B: That's right, I'm the fake. Shoot him! Shoot him!

Ann Althouse said...

The last time I tried to point out a fake, I was wrong and caused a lot of trouble. In this case, I note that you can no longer click to the "green pants" profile, so presumably, Meade took his profile private for some reason.

Revenant said...

Our reputations do derive from the associates we spend our time with

How many Christians spend time with Haggard, or even know who the hell the man IS? Even a household name like Pat Robertson or Bill Graham only counts a small portion of the country's Christians as supporters, let alone "associates".

Meh. Why I'm defending Christians from guilt by association when atheists catch an ocean of shit every time Mike Newdow files a lawsuit is a mystery to me.

Bissage said...

It seems I misused the term split-screen.

First we Google, then we shoot off our mouths.

That should be my rule!

Anyway, Meade(s), how about some clarification.

Please?

If not, then some clarified butter will do just fine.

Ann Althouse said...

Aw. There's only one Bissage, and he's wonderful.

Bissage said...

Professor, re your 4:28, please don't think I was asking you for a ruling.

I wouldn't do that.

Seriously.

Bissage said...

Now, now, Professor . . . don't go trying to (clarified) butter me up.

You might make Palladian jealous!

And Lord knows I don't want that!

Too fierce!

Chip Ahoy said...

I was mixing chocolate milk this morning and God spoke to me through the emersion blender. He told me to tell everybody that guy talking to you guys isn't really Jesus. It's another guy who like to play jokes. So then I asked the emersion blender, I mean God, "What about that Ted Haggard guy?" And God goes, "Oh, he has a drug situation, and he's highly conflicted. Are you putting malt in this?"

Meade said...

Bissage, Professor: Sorry for causing undo concern. Green pants or not, it's me - Meade - the one and only and the same, pants or no pants, green or checkered (like my career).

I'm afraid I may have over-fiddled with my Blogger settings, leaving me, at times, embarrassingly, without pants. Does that make me complicated? Here, let me check...

Nope. Still simple.
---------------------------------------
Chip: Hilarious! As always.

Ann Althouse said...

"undo"

Ann Althouse said...

Hey, has anyone actually watched the HBO documentary on Haggard? It's nice of Ted to have started such a funny thread...

TMink said...

Rob wrote: "No. Justice would be if he divorced his wife and went to the Netherlands and married that homosexual prostitute he slept with, only to find out several weeks later that the prostitute had suddenly been "cured" of his homosexual tendencies and was now cheating on ted with ted's ex-wife.'

Ouch.

Outstanding idea.

Trey

Bissage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
blake said...

This thread is kind of interesting in contrast with the earlier one on teen sex.

If one believes that homosexual activity is wrong, yet one is homosexual, what should one do?

The answer implicit here seems to be "change your mind".

How does that not apply to any activity? From heterosexual to psychopathic, morality expect us not to act on certain urges. Changing one's mind about the rightness or wrongness of such things, seems to avoid the difficult question.

Bissage said...

M E A D E ! ! !

Bissage said...

Changing one's mind about the rightness or wrongness of such things, seems to avoid the difficult question.

[B]lake, that’s true for normal people.

But for some of us morally stubborn types, the only practical solution is a good brainial dose of bacteria, viruses and especially worms!

P.S. If "brainial" isn't a real word then . . . well, it is now!

[Say it in an emphatic Frazier Crane voice. You'll be glad you did!]

Meade said...

Outed by Bissage. Well ain't that just some kind of wonderful!

blake said...

Bissage--

As a member of the Brain Slug Party, I favor unreasonable subsidies to the Brain Slug Homeworld.

So, I'm right there, man.

Freeman Hunt said...

If one believes that homosexual activity is wrong, yet one is homosexual, what should one do?

Abstain.

Wait wait, let me put on the asbestos suit.

blake said...

Abstain.

Wait wait, let me put on the asbestos suit.


<waits>

But Freem, that denies who you are!

rcocean said...

If you never have sex, can you be Homosexual?

William said...

Anne Heche wanted to be a gay role model. Then, she changed her mind and got married....Why are only gay Christians and Republicans mocked for their instabilities?

Galvanized said...

First, how sad that those who call themselves Christians alienated this faithful wife in the time of her greatest need, and for doing exactly what a Christian wife should try to.

Secondly, why, oh why, do Christians persist in persecuting homosexuality, considering it a peculiar sin worthy of greater disdain than so many others? As a Christian, I don't focus on any aspect of a person that doesn't involve my participation, so sexual orientation never even shows on the radar. The whole idea of Christianity is based in self-examination and redemption OF ONESELF (not focused on others), and is unquestionably against passing moral judgments on others because we are ALL unworthy. Like the Good Book says, how can a man be forgiven all of his own sins and turn around to beat another for his? I am touched by Haggard's honesty and humility. I hope Christians will allow him to move past disgrace and into helping others, specifically in seeing that God sees past our sexual orientation, which is only one of many facets in an individual. There is such an opportunity here to teach the Church acceptance and tolerance, not the homosexuals to loathe themselves.

Beth said...

thanks for the clarification; sorry, reader! I thought I'd missed something pithy from you.

william, how did you miss the Heche mocking? She's still being mocked.

Freeman Hunt said...

First, how sad that those who call themselves Christians alienated this faithful wife in the time of her greatest need, and for doing exactly what a Christian wife should try to.

Agree with the first part of this statement but not so much with the second. The second only holds if you believe that "ex-gay" men exist. Otherwise the situation looks like pretty good grounds for an annulment.

traditionalguy said...

The Christian church attendees are often going for the usual social, professional and meeting new people reasons that attracts people to join Kiawanis Clubs, the Chamber of Commerce meet-ups, etc.. There are a few godly folks mixed in too. The reaction to a 'fallen" pastor/pastor's wife team, will always be like the reaction to Michael Vick's secret dog-fighting life: Just go away and do us no more harm. The godly few will stay loyal and loving to the Haggards as long as the Haggards are willing to recieve their love, but the humility required by the confessing of sins may not be easily done by the Haggards, who might not have had much experience in brokenness until now.