February 13, 2009

"A variety of birds, followed by large quantities of cheese, topped off with unlimited desserts, and all washed down with a bucket of... duck fat."

The Gwyneth Paltrow lying-through-your-teeth diet.

135 comments:

Shanna said...

Eh, I was expecting worse. Mostly she was just very vague, which I think Oprah found maddening, to avoid saying what she actually eats. She works out, probably a ton.

rhhardin said...

Cannibalism hasn't been tried.

traditionalguy said...

The camera make normal weight look Fat. So these on camera people must wrestle with weight for all of their careers. But Paltrow has no magic secrets to share with The fellow wrestler Winfrey. Are they saying birds are OK for humans to eat because birds are Not Four Legged? This must be the new Hindu influence suggesting it is unacceptable for people to eat Cow meat, which many people are reverently beginning to believe after doing "non-spiritual" Yoga classes. I do not intend to give up the best source of high quality protein available because a Cow God spirit tries to make me feel guilty. Besides the Purple colors of the TCU School of Ranch Management still commands my loyalty much stronger than the Yoga School.

Ann Althouse said...

With all that talk of mass quantities, bulimia, not endless exercise, is more likely.

TitusJustHadAGreatPump said...

Love her. She is working with Madonna's trainer. Enough said, no wonder her body is fierce.

She eats fish as well.

TitusJustHadAGreatPump said...

I am eating grapes right now.

ricpic said...

In my unflagging pursuit of the really truly important stuff I can relate to you, via the NY Post, that Paltrow was recently admitted to a NYC hospital after living on lemon flavored bottled water for a week. Scout's honor.

TitusJustHadAGreatPump said...

Do you know what kind of lemon flavored water Ricpic?

I need to get on that plan. If it makes your body that fierce I am up for it.

Anything in the pursuit of perfection.

Last night I ran 10 miles and then puked because I over did it. I felt great after puking.

I like to puke after working out. You know you are over exerting when you puke. And you lose a few calories as well. So it is a win win.

Joe said...

Some people have metabolisms that allow them to eat alot. My great-aunt was thin as a rail, but could put away an astonishing amount of food; same with a coworker who is 4'-11" and same with me until was 25.

Jason (the commenter) said...

"One thing I do to keep the weight off is to name my children after food, like I did with Apple and Fruit Roll Ups."

TitusJustHadAGreatPump said...

Multiple Loaves help in the weight management area too.

If you can't take a dump just stick your finger up there and dig around for a while and a nice loaf will be ready in minutes.

TitusJustHadAGreatPump said...

She definitely counts her calories though. Don't we all?

I do about 1200-1354 calories a day during the week and the weekends 2000-2105.

TitusJustHadAGreatPump said...

On the weekends I try and work out one extra hour on Saturday and Sunday to make up for the extra calories though.

thank you.

There is just no reason to be heavy. We have the tools. Now take action. I am down to 162now. I was at 170 over Christmas which was my heaviest. I am 5"11 so I am happy with my weight now but I can agree with Gwenny 5 pounds can be added in seconds and those 5 pounds can be the death of us.

ricpic said...

Starvation dieting is a killer, Titus. If you really truly want to lose weight in a healthy way just cut out the third meal of the day. Have something minimal in the evening to get you through the hunger pang period. Guaranteed safe loss of 5 - 10 pounds in a month.

TitusJustHadAGreatPump said...

thanks ricpic, how kind.

Nights can be killer though. I am my hungriest at night.

traditionalguy said...

I looked up some Paltrow pics on google,and now I see that she does have classic eating disorder symptoms. Her control over her normal bodily functions is all will power gone over into self annihilation. Look at her slinky and weak body good today, because she will be dead very soon. It angers me to see these disorders, because suicide is a hostile act.

Bushman of the Kohlrabi said...

Who wouldn't enjoy snacking on bacon wrapped Goldfinch.

MayBee said...

In my unflagging pursuit of the really truly important stuff I can relate to you, via the NY Post, that Paltrow was recently admitted to a NYC hospital after living on lemon flavored bottled water for a week. Scout's honor.

She was doing some sort of body cleanse.
Never listen to actresses about how they lose weight.

Nichevo said...

Jealous much, Ann? Don't worry, I wouldn't kick you out of bed for a little jiggle when you wiggle. Form follows function, my dear. More of you to love; or, the bigger the cushion the better the pushin'.

Has this woman got any T or A left at all? If not, who cares what her bodyfat percentage is? It must be work, keeping her warm at night (NTTAWWT).

But retract the claws! You're on Oprah's side? Listen to all the other BS she swallows, why not a diet of magic realism? (if I remember that LatAm literary trend's name correctly)

Look at those bags under Oprah's eyes. She is having sleepless nights knowing she put a total boob into power. Not only that, but Obama will never be on her show again. You served your purpose, butterball, be glad to have gotten away without any tire tracks.

I missed the duck fat thing though. Yum, duck fat. The stuff you buy always comes out whiter than mine, but it's all good.

Ann Althouse said...

Binging and purging does not make for a sensuous woman. Isn't it why Charles couldn't find Diana sexually attractive?

William said...

Some years back I saw her Oscar acceptance speech. If they ever give an Oscar for best Oscar acceptance speech, she would win handily. She was lovely and endearing and gracious. She had a movie star's knack of capturing your affections in a moment that holds them for a lifetime. She was really terrific.....Time robs us all but for elite athletes and beautiful women it's grand theft larceny. For them the erosions of time are as sudden and disfiguring as rainfall on a snowman. Under such pressure it's a wonder more of them don't go nuts.....Suppose you told Prince William (no relation) that he could keep all his wealth and status until an unspecied age sometime in his forties. At such time he would have to give up all his wealth and privilege. He would then be sent to a job in the mines and given a council flat in which to live out the rest of his days. Further tell Prince William that there is some unspecified diet that will allow him to keep his position for an extra five years. Then watch Prince William try every crazy diet in the world. It's a fine comedy.

Pogo said...

Oprah should just eat Gwyneth.

Oprah was eyeing her like in the cartoons, when one guy sees the other guy's head turn into a hamburger.

Darcy said...

William: You don't think truly beautiful women remain beautiful as time goes by? Is youth beauty to you?

Tibore said...

Damn... I admit, I was kinda hoping we'd get to see Oprah go ballstic on Paltrow for what she said.

Gwyneth: "I just can't do it, I just can not diet.... OWW!..."

Oprah: *BAP**BAP**BAP**WHAM*!!!

Audience Member: "Daaaaaamn... Where'd Oprah get that bat?"

1jpb said...

Why does she have very visible roots?

Is that because she needs to have her hair color updated?

Regardless, Althouse should have put that clip in this post. Roots and all, she looks adorable w/ the initial still where her eyes are looking up.

Adorable seems to be her thing. For some reason this gets under the skin of Althouse--silly girl stuff, I guess.

Psychedelic George said...

Re: Oprah's weight gain

Magazines plan their covers and content a year in advance. It would not be surprising if her weight gain were part of her editorial/business plan. If she loses dramatic amounts through 2009, this will also be good for business.

The story at Oprah.com reveals Gwyn shares an exercise trainer with Madonna.

Here's video of scrawny Gwyn "freaking' exercising.

Toothpicks have bigger breasts than her.

rhhardin said...

Binging and purging does not make for a sensuous woman. Isn't it why Charles couldn't find Diana sexually attractive?

Looks matter very little after a couple days.

It's how she treats the guy.

1jpb said...

And, you have to love the person who is choosing the shots (director?.) As soon as she talks about 300 pounds they cut to a shot showing how thin she is.

Funny stuff.

Darcy said...

LOL, Tibore. Cat fight!

Smilin' Jack said...

Kate Moss used to have fun with this. When asked about her diet she would go on about bacon-wrapped double cheeseburgers or some such, and smoke would begin to pour from all the other women's ears.

Pogo said...

Women just lo-o-ove when skinny women 'complain' about how much they eat and never seem to gain any weight.
sads =(

It's a real female bonding moment.

"Don't hate me because I'm thin."

MayBee said...

Kate Moss used to have fun with this. When asked about her diet she would go on about bacon-wrapped double cheeseburgers or some such, and smoke would begin to pour from all the other women's ears.

Exactly.
And she probably did eat like that when she wasn't on a 7-day cocaine binge.

Trooper York said...

This is very amusing.

But I won't bite.

dbp said...

I don't think Gwyneth is so much lying as 'sticking it' to Oprah. Plus, she is doing it in a clever way--acting like she has no self-control.

Yeah, Oprah probably wants to choke the life out of Ms. Paltrow. Mission accomplished.

traditionalguy said...

From my experence, a fat woman, with a normal personality, is very often hiding her sex appeal under the extra weight to avoid sexual advances which she feels she could not handle and also remain married. Then when she makes a decision to divorce, she works and diets the extra weight off in 6months. But if she later choses to remarry, then she may start the cycle over. Women will always remain mysteries coming to us as gifts wrapped for us in designer bodys, colors, and loving souls.

k*thy said...

At least from the clip, I don't see what all the fuss is about. If Paltrow said, "massive quantities", I missed it. And anyway, isn't that in the eye of the beholder? She also didn't say she did it all the time.

I actually subscribe to a lot of what she talked about - basically, she eats what she wants and gets rid of the excess via exercise. She doesn't obsess about calories or weigh herself. I don't either - I've been able to watch my mother do that. It's not for me. I pretty much eat what I want, generally not overeating, and exercising.

And finally, she doesn't look overtly underweight, at all - maybe a little on the thin side. There are plenty of actresses that look way worse that that.

Curtiss said...

That was a nice purple(ish) outfit that Oprah was wearing.

But, slightly, more on topic, if I were going to chum around with a celebrity chef, it would have to be Nigella Lawson not that stuffy Mario Batali. Although I do love Babbo's.

Anyway, poor Gwyneth. Lying is the sin that accompanies all others.

JohnAnnArbor said...

Kate Moss used to have fun with this. When asked about her diet she would go on about bacon-wrapped double cheeseburgers or some such, and smoke would begin to pour from all the other women's ears.

I once saw Kate Moss complain about being used as the poster girl for eating disorders. She said she ate normally and that she was naturally that thin. Let's assume that's true (not a good assumption for a known cokehead). Then she's missing the point. The point isn't her thinness; it's that Calvin Klein et. al. chose her (and others like her), an outlier by far in the thin department, as models. In short, it's not about her personally; it's about how her image is used.

MadisonMan said...

Starvation dieting is a killer, Titus.

Starvation diets (well, diets in which you routinely do not get the amount of calories needed) will prolong your life. That kind of diet turns on a life-prolonging gene, or something like that, just like resveretrol does. Morley Safer told me so -- which surprised me, as I thought he was dead!!

Men grow cold, as girls grow old
And we all lose our shape in the end
But square cut or pear shape
These rocks don't lose their shape
Diamonds are a girl's best friend

Zeb Quinn said...

Paltrow DOES NOT have the body of someone who works out much, let alone excessively.

David said...

Althouse sez:

"Binging and purging does not make for a sensuous woman. Isn't it why Charles couldn't find Diana sexually attractive?"

That, plus his affinity for goats, men in kilts (better than shorts?) and her propensity to boff the hired help.

David53 said...

She's skinny because she smokes. It's those dam cigarettes, it's always the cigarettes. I never weighed more than 135 pounds until I quit smoking. Before I quit I could eat a Denny's Grand Slam for breakfast, snack during the day on buckeye balls, a bushel of pistachios and a gallon of chocolate chip ice cream but if I didn't eat a decent lunch and dinner then I would lose 5 pounds. Then I quit smoking. Now if I look at a buckeye ball I gain weight. It's the cigarettes.

Edmund said...

if I were going to chum around with a celebrity chef, it would have to be Nigella Lawson not that stuffy Mario Batali.

Well, I took a cooking class from Tony Bourdain, not exactly known for his sedate lifestyle. He was asked about some of his former colleagues at Food TV. He disliked Rachael Ray and hates Sandra Lee. He did say that Mario Batali is a party animal that can drink most chefs under the table. Nigella is better looking, though.

(For those not familiar, Bourdain is a celebrity chef that is a former heroin addict. He still drinks a lot and smokes like a chimney. Looks a little like Lou Reed. He's more famous for his memoir of being a chef in NYC than his self-described average cooking skills.)

k*thy said...

Paltrow DOES NOT have the body of someone who works out much

Though enough to get rid of the extra she's talking about...and, yes, add the smoking.

Chip Ahoy said...

Pogo FTW!

ricpic said...

Looks matter very little after a couple of days.

Tragically, that is not true.

TitusJustHadAGreatPump said...

she does smoke quite a bit which probably helps her weight but is totally gross.

TitusJustHadAGreatPump said...

And she's a pretty girl.

TitusJustHadAGreatPump said...

Oprah looked like she wanted to eat her.

Zeb Quinn said...

I'd tend to think she doesn't work out at all. Smokers generally don't. I'd say Ann is correct. She is lying about dieting or she purges. Or maybe even both. The vibe I got from Oprah was incredulity.

Hieronymus Smith: said...

I'm not exactly leaping to Gwennie's defense, but I suspect the largest part of her "dieting" regimen is pure genetics -- just a damn lucky toss of the cosmic dice.

Coming from a long line of tall skinny folk, I can personally attest to the power of an inherited, calorie burning metabolism. At least till my mid-late 30's when all good things came to an end. I'm 6' 3" and used to max out at 165# soaking wet. Now in my early 40's I'm hanging in there in the 190-95# range. I could easily stand losing 10-15# (all from the middle, unfortunately).

Cut out the pop and the extra piece of cake between meals (or just follow ric's advice to Titus). In the spring and summer I can normally walk that off in 2-3 months. Much too cold for that right now, and I haven't had a ski pass in 15+ years. Now, if I had Madonna's personal trainer running me through the paces, 'twouldn't matter what I ate.

Synova said...

I thought this was going to be a discussion of the stimulous.

Synova said...

I like the BBQ employee T-shirts that say "I haven't clawed my way up the food chain to eat vegetables."

But I want one that says, "Carnivore." "Apex Preditor". And "Mother Nature's Right Hand Man."

MadisonMan said...

Hieronymous, speaking as your genetic doppleganger, let me say that you're in for an unpleasant surprise in your late 40s :)

JohnAnnArbor said...

"Let's have another look at today's lunch."

Can't believe IMDB's quote list overlooks that one.

Hieronymus Smith: said...

MM, I've no doubt you speak true. (But I still have half of a German Chocolate cake sitting on my kitchen counter...) ;)

Synova, I've always liked the Outhouse Steakhouse billboard ads that said,"Converting vegetarians one steak at a time." Not so much their mid-grade beef, though. If you want to observe a genuine PC, vegan daisy-chain in the wild, click here.

Yeah, I know. Ew.

chickenlittle said...

Hieronymous, speaking as your genetic doppleganger, let me say that you're in for an unpleasant surprise in your late 40s :)

The late Sen. William Proxmire wrote a diet and exercise book in the '70s in which he detailed how much less one needs to eat as one progressively ages, and how he successfully managed to do that.

Speaking of William Proxmire, we sure could use the likes of him these days in D.C.

Psychedelic George said...

From a purely business perspective (and both women are in show business), talking about weight is a safe topic and one of interest to their audience. The content of the interview is 100 percent predetermined by the Oprah's producers and Paltrow's people. If something goes awry, it will be edited out.

They're not going to talk about investments, their ongoing lawsuits, or the value of their many vacation homes.

The content is all designed to keep the groundlings happy and babbling.

Smilin' Jack said...

MadisonMan said...

Starvation diets (well, diets in which you routinely do not get the amount of calories needed) will prolong your life.


That is true (at least if you replace "needed" with "wanted.") I think our society's disapproval of fat women and the resulting pressure on women to lower their caloric intake may largely account for the fact that women live longer than men.

Sneering at fat people is the nicest thing you can do for them.

TitusJustHadAGreatPump said...

You would be how surprised how many people smoke and work out. Weird dichotomy. I see many guys and girls from my gym leave after working out pretty hard and then lighting a cigarette as they head down the street.

It always floors me when I see it but from my experience it is frequent.

Or I have friends that work out and then at night if they go out and drink they smoke as well. Again, very common from what I have seen.

TitusJustHadAGreatPump said...

I bet Barack still smokes and he works out.

Synova said...

Sneering at fat people is the nicest thing you can do for them.

It would be, if it helped.

garage mahal said...

NANCY PELOSI IS SENDING MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO A MOUSE IN ROME

DEVELOPING...

TitusJustHadAGreatPump said...

That Nancy Pelosi, could we hate her anymore?

Maguro said...

Starvation diets (well, diets in which you routinely do not get the amount of calories needed) will prolong your life.

Karen Carpenter would beg to differ.

Bushman of the Kohlrabi said...

We will all be on starvation diets once Barry and Nancy are done with us. When the stimulus takes effect, our currency will be worthless. Maybe we can keep warm next winter by burning dollars.

michael farris said...

"Oprah should just eat Gwyneth."

Wins the thread.

reader_iam said...

OK, I finally bit. I Googled Gywneth Paltrow weight. Tons of links there, going back years. Apart from all the references to working out two or three hours a day, there's stuff about macrobiotics, paleolithics, various cleanses, various food restrictions & plans, and even (oh, back in 2003 or something) eating naked as a eating control device.

Tell me, how is doing any of those things (except maybe the naked part) not thinking about what you can or can't have? Something doesn't compute there, at least for me.

Well, maybe things are all different now ... .

Pogo said...

I kept my weight down by choosing the right grandparents.

Also, I spend my winters in Cuba, and the summers in Zimbabwe. It's amazing what poverty can do for your figure.

The intestinal parasites help, too.

JohnAnnArbor said...

Pogo reminds me: the tapeworm diet doesn't seem to be popular any more.

dick said...

Love that Outback Steakhouse coaster link. I notice that the original poster later comments on the lack of a healthy option. If I remember right you have to be careful balancing your vegan options to end up with a balanced diet which is not something you have to do with the non-vegan diet. Kinda makes you wonder who had a healthy meal there.

Kirby Olson said...

I'd believe it, if we could watch her chow down, while sitting on a scale losing weight the whole time.

I mean, maybe she defies the laws of physics.

Pogo said...

Maybe her husband is stealing her food, you know, like he gets his songs.

blake said...

That kind of diet turns on a life-prolonging gene, or something like that, just like resveretrol does.

I thought that didn't pan out with humans. It's not something I follow except when Instawannabeimmortal references it, though.

blake said...

I can't believe nobody's referenced Shallow Hal yet, in which Gwyneth plays a fat girl.

Way better than her Oscar(TM)-winning performance in that Shakespeare movie.

Steven said...

If I remember right you have to be careful balancing your vegan options to end up with a balanced diet which is not something you have to do with the non-vegan diet.

Perhaps most critically, you have to consume B12 supplements or artificially B12-fortified food, or else you will eventually suffer severe and irreversible damage to nerve cells. The only vegan source of B12 is bacterial cultures.

Hieronymus Smith: said...

I wonder at what level anyone who chooses the vegan "lifestyle" does so because of the guaranteed conflict it's bound to create. They truly want to be offended. It validates their utter self-absorbtion, IMO.

Consider the cognitive dissonance of a committed vegan (is that vay-gan or vee-gan, btw? ... vay-gahn, perhaps?) making the oh so blithe choice to eat at an Outback Steakhouse. Not Outback Soy-curdhouse, not Outback Macrobiotic-veggiehouse, not Outback Nothing-with-a-face-was-murdered-or-exploited-for-your-dinnerhouse. Outback S-T-E-A-K house. It truly boggles, doesn't it?

(Ummm ... and, yep ... that "Outhouse"-"Outback"-"Althouse" freudian typo thingy. Saw it too late to correct it. I'm liking how that turned out, I think. Really.)

Chip Ahoy said...

I didn't get the sense she was lying. She was conveying to Oprah that she doesn't obsess about food the way Oprah apparently does, and when she (Gweneth -- that name sounds Welsh to me) does concern herself about food, thinks about dieting, she automatically begins gaining weight, most likely by shoveling the wrong things into her mouth because she's thinking about food all the time.

Metabolism schmetabolism, people can affect their own metabolism by the amount of activity they choose. Gweneth strikes me as an active person, Oprah, not so much.

Saying "nothing with four legs" didn't strike me as moralistic, but rather just another way of separating in her own mind acceptable types of protein from unacceptable. It made perfect sense to me, and I'm speaking as a skinny person who frequently forgets to eat, that when she does sit down and eat, she doesn't think at all about dieting and proceeds to consume whatever she wants in whatever amount suites her, having already been careful in wanting the right things. A binge for Gweneth would be an antipasto to Oprah.

Fowl and cheese are not going to pile the weight on an active person, but breads, cakes, pasta and sugars will pack it on a sedentary person.

I'll never forget this bird who worked at the Fed when I was there, how she changed so rapidly after her marriage. She went from perky fun youthful girl to dowdy unhappy unpleasant frump within the span of several months, come to think of it, right after her marriage. Then became obsessed about food, talking about it incessantly. "I just came back from lunch and all I had was a salad," she announced when nobody even asked. But I couldn't help but notice that salad in the cafeteria due to it's size, sufficiently heavy to tip Fred Flinstone's car when set on the window at the drive-in, and the gallon of creamy ranch dressing glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug, breathe, glug glug glug glug glug glug poured over the pile. Food enough to fuel me for two days.

Paltrow, this one-way communication is getting old. Are you bouncing my emails or what?

rcocean said...

An active person can burn 1000 calories in two hours of exercise, if not more.

Difficult to put on weight if you're running/rowing/etc. 14 hours a week.

The other key - never to get fat. Its not hard to stay thin, if you don't have to diet and drop 35 lbs.

Lem said...

I'm starting to miss the professor.

In fact... I think the professor has a boyfriend.

Quayle said...

Yes - a boyfriend - what with all the "talk to me" pics lately.

Either that, or she is in DC interviewing for the Commerce job.

JohnAnnArbor said...

Has anyone seen Meade lately?

Lem said...

Why cant captain Althouse have a #1 like in Star Treck, I think Freeman would make an exellent #1 so when Althouse goes away we have someone in command of the troops.

She cant just leave us like this.

Lem said...

Either that, or she is in DC interviewing for the Commerce job.

Oh my God. Please, she would really be lost forever.

Lem said...

I just watched Once...

I feeling all melancholy.

JohnAnnArbor said...

Oh my God. Please, she would really be lost forever.

If Barry can have a Blackberry, the Professor can keep her iPhone and blog that way.

Lem said...

If Barry can have a Blackberry, the Professor can keep her iPhone and blog that way.

Those jobs are either for the very young or the very old.

Althouse is none of those.

Lem said...

Now a Supreme seat..

I would, that's the only way I could tear myself away. I would depart with sweet sorrow.

I would be happy for her.

Lem said...

More from Once.

Lem said...

When it comes to working for Obama nobody's mind is made up

Lem said...

After Althouse raved about it I watched Juno... and of course there was a version of the Carpenters, Sonic Youth

These two from Once reminded me of the Carpenters

Lem said...

Althouse got a ticket to ride .. and she dont care.

john said...

She's interviewing for that NYT job, I tell ya.

Lem said...

Linger

If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade.

I'm sure I'm not being rude, but it's just your attitude,
It's tearing me apart, It's ruining everything.

I swore, I swore I would be true, and honey, so did you.
So why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand?
Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?

But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?

Oh, I thought the world of you.
I thought nothing could go wrong,
But I was wrong. I was wrong.
If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie,
Things wouldn't be so confused and I wouldn't feel so used,
But you always really knew, I just wanna be with you.

But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?

And I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?

You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?

john said...

In other news today ....

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs announced a set of new rules governing future Town Hall Meetings:

First, as part of the new stimulus bill, General Motors and Chrysler will alternate supplying a pair of energy efficient washers and dryers to the stage; these will showcase the Presidential promise to either save or create either 3.5 million or 4 million jobs.

Second, Ty Pennington will do a 5 minute audience warmup during which he may recruit volunteers to assist in the extreme makeover to follow. However, in the spirit of diversity and fairness, he must alternate with HGTV on who actually gets to build the new house.

Third, the responsibility for calibration of the Applause Meter will move from the National Bureau of Weights and Standards to the White House.

Fourth, the role of the starving student will rotate among McDonalds, Burger King, and Wendys. In-and-Out will not be eligible until 2010, pending congressional renewal of the forthcoming stimulus II bill. The role of the homeless mother will be determined by precinct vote. The role of out-of-work factory worker will not be filled for Town Halls in southern (non union) states.

Fifth, instead of the customary introduction of the president, the Town Hall meeting will open with “Come On Down!”

Secretary Gibbs continued “With these new rules, we can be assured that everyone attending can truly see how the new American Dream can be realized. President Bailey, oops, Obama, has given his promise that this will be a true bipartisan effort.”

Lem said...

She's interviewing for that NYT job, I tell ya.

Two birds in one hand (teaching and blogging) are not worth the NYT..

Where would they put her? Althouse is more talented than Dowd.. Not enof room for the two of them. Dow would have to go.

Lem said...

I cant be with you.

BTW. I'm not just Dedicating these to Althouse ... It just happens to be her blog and of couse I like her .. like everybodu here.

Lem said...

Lying in my bed again
And I cry cos youre not here
Crying in my head again
And I know that its not clear
Put your hands, put your hands
Inside my face and see that its just you
But its bad and its mad
And its making me sad
Because I cant be with you

Baby I cant be with you

Thinking back on how things were
And how we loved so well
I wanted to be the mother
Of your child
And now its just farewell

Put your hands in my hand
Well find another end
And come with me,
And my head, and my head
On anyones shoulder
Cause I cant be with you

Baby I cant be with you

Cause youre not here, youre not here
Baby I cant be with you
Cause youre not here, youre not here
And baby Im still in love with you

Lem said...

I know there is something going on with Althouse.

Lem said...

I can see that it won't be long
You grow cold when you keep holding on
You know you've changed and your words they lie
That's something you can't deny
I know there's something going on
I know there's something going on
I know it won't be long
Won't be long before you're gone
There's something going on
There's something going on
I know a good thing must come to an end
But it's hard to take loosing a friend
I know what you think and what's in your mind
So darling don't pretend
I know there's something going on

Lem said...

Althouse said she was going to Fla. recently... Uhmmm

What if Althouse has a Secret Rendezvous with El Rushbo.

Lem said...

Althouse Limbaugh, it's a mouthfull but Palin could use them in the trail. (I dout Althouse would drop her name)

Lem said...

what should i play while the professor is away?

john said...

Lem,

You're alone right now. That's OK, except your're standing in the snow under the streetlight across the street from her house. When the car pulls up in a little while, and she gets the door opened for her, and they both walk up to the front steps, they stop in the dim light, then a laugh, a hug, finally a lingering kiss ....

it's gonna devastate you. Leave now.

john said...

Well, except none of that's true. She's probably in Florida now having drinks on Pinch's boat.

Lem said...

Well she was smitten with purple lately so I've looked and looked for Purple Rain and it has been all for not.

Prince has banned his music from YouTube.

It takes longer for some to come around. Prince still believes "his" songs are his...

Sad.

Lem said...

it's gonna devastate you. Leave now.

I'm going to fight the power.

I charge you ;)

Lem said...

Prince does not own his songs any more than van Gogh owned his ear after cutting it off.

We are just going to have to wait for him to die.

Lem said...

Again.. what should i play while the professor is away?

Lem said...

Here is Althouse and El Rushbo - together for the first time ;)

Ave Maria

Lem said...

Nessun Dorma

The professor, once back.. will be victorious!

Lem said...

you see those men holding to each other and to things for dear life, belting out that song.

We only get that chance.. Once.

maybe once again if we are lucky.

Lem said...

El Amor

Lem said...

Do you want to be my lover?

Nothing changes ;)

Lem said...

Amor Mio

Kiss me love, the rain from your goodby falls over you face..

Write to me..

john said...

OK.

Thank you for the nice music. You might enjoy a younger Pavarotti in this "king of the high C's" piece.

Lem said...

No Se Tu

"I dont know about you"

this is one of the greatest love songs of all time..

No sé tú
Pero yo no dejo de pensar
Ni un minuto me logro despojar
De tus besos, tus abrazos,
De lo bien que la pasamos la otra vez.

No sé tú
Pero yo quisiera repetir
El cansancio que mi hiciste sentir
Con la noche que me diste
Y el momento que con besos construiste.

No sé tú
Pero yo te he comenzado a extrañar
En mi almohada no te dejo de pensar
Con las gentes, mis amigos,
En las calles, sin testigos.

No sé tú
Pero yo te busco en cada amanecer
Mis deseos no los puedo contener
En las noches cuando duermo
Si de insomnio, yo me enfermo
Me haces falta, mucha falta
No sé tú

Penny said...

Um hm...OK then, lem!

Lem said...

No sé tú
I dont know about you
Pero yo no dejo de pensar
But I cant stop thinking
Ni un minuto me logro despojar
Not for a minute can i forget De tus besos, tus abrazos,
your hug and kisses
De lo bien que la pasamos la otra vez.
How much fun we had the other time.

The sound is all wrong.
Lets face it, English is not easy on poetry.

Lem said...

Um hm...OK then, lem!

I try to translate them but it falls flat, the translation sounds awfall!

Lem said...

It is Valentines..

Love does not need translation ;)

Lem said...

de insomnio..

with imsomnia..

Me haces falta, mucha falta

I miss you.. lots.

There, it's the best I could do under pressure.

chickenlittle said...

There, it's the best I could do under pressure.

sheesh Lem, if you're going to send a valentine, send the best.

Lem said...

I have not been able to copy and paste for awhile.

it looks like maybe i will have to whipe my resgestry clean and maybe I will be able to link like b4.

wish me luck ;)

Lem said...

This song is apropriately for Althouse (where are you?) but because i tried to copy/paste the translation it seems i was punished.

So it seems the best thing to do is to link to both the singerNoche De Ronda on Youtube and the translation on another page.

It's only fair that the translator should get a fair shake.

Still, i dont like waht they did to me.

Lem said...

I think I should also mention the song writer's name, Ángel Agustín María Carlos Fausto Mariano Alfonso del Sagrado Corazón de Jesús Lara y Aguirre del Pino

Alson known as Agustin Lara...
Lest I be punished again.

Lem said...

Making the rounds Althouse is not around is painfull.

Lem said...

sheesh Lem, if you're going to send a valentine, send the best.

Thanks, Thats a wonderfull choice.

Lem said...

Abrazame

Hold me as if for the last time, i know you are leaving..

Lem said...

Bezame..
Bocelli


Diana Krall - is no available (pero es un amor cantandolo)

Luiz Miguel


As if for the last time, I'm fearfull of loosing you.

pj said...

okay, I despise GP because I think she's an ugly woman who resembles an albino rabbit yet has convinced everyone she is attractive by pure empress has no clothes obnoxiousness..HOWEVER...

I know what she means here. If I try to diet, I become obsessed with food and put on 5 or 10 lbs blam. If I busy myself with other things it melts off. Same thing if I try to restrict. It's matter of mental focus - not in the sense of visualization, but in the sense of obsession. Are you obsessively thinking about food? You'll eat. Are you thinking about other things? You won't.

john said...

(knock knock)... (wispers) "Professor?"


Knock Knock .... "Ms Althouse?"


KNOCK KNOCK "ANN!"

Mister said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AllenS said...

If she doesn't show up soon, I'm going to have her picture and name printed on some milk cartons.

RR Ryan said...

I haven't had time to read all of the comments and I'm not a big fan of Paltrow, but I have to say that some people just don't gain weight. And working out doesn't necessarily lead to muscles. I ride my bike all the time and I'm just thin. The other thing is that my eating adjusts to my schedule. If I'm not biking, I barely make it through the salad, eat half of the entree and have dessert. I have no idea of Paltrow's specifics, but I know that I get a little tired of the bulimia accusations. Not me personally, but I'm a guy, so maybe it's different.