August 1, 2009

The new Robin Givhan column is not, as you might expect, about what Gates, Crowley, Obama and Biden wore to the beer fest.

It's about a man's naked ass!
... his beautifully muscled shoulders -- light glinting off his sturdy tush -- poised to break through the water like an elegant and potent torpedo. The rip in his skintight black suit runs from the middle of his back all the way down to the bottom of his bottom. The tear exposes a significant portion of [Ricky] Berens's backside anatomy. Suffice it to say that the rear end of a championship swimmer is a magnificent example of how glorious the human body can be. In an era when so many of this country's backsides have gone wide, flat and flabby from too much couch-sitting and cupcake-eating, the Berens buttocks were a visual rebuke of Americans' deep-fried bad habits.
His ass is rebuking us!

It's not enough to say that his ass is sturdy, poised, elegant, potent, and glorious. Givhan must also say that our ass is not.

20 comments:

Bissage said...

ITEM: Givhan must also say that our ass is not.

I used to have women volunteer their advice.

Back in the disco days: "You’d look sexy with a mustache."

Back in my punk days: "You looked better with longer hair."

Back in my gym rat days: "You should dress more to show off your hot bod."

But did any of them offer consideration for my performance?

They did not.

nansealinks said...

Complete Plagiarism.

A woman, who never received a dollar or a return comment, or a second look on her many blogs (blogger and mac.com or me.com accounts) and comments on slate, annexcafe.com, or msn newsgroups) wrote those words years ago while watching divers in the pool at University of Indiana during lap swim. She published them on the internet. The woman is a good swimmer and fifty years old and still has a very well formed buttocks for a woman of her age. No aesthetic surgery, just hours of kicking, kicking ass.

Proof, that hard work never killed anyone, but did keep them shapely.
Proof that the internet doesn't do much for your shape, but can hide wrinkles in a pretty face with compression.

Someone saved those words and continues to rewrite all that she has said. She was not vain enough to know the value of her words when she started. She was not smart or unfaithful enough to know the misuse of the men around her.

There were people from MSN newsgroups and other places who saved them. Microsoft did not. Apple did and so did her personal laptop They repeatedly said that. The woman's spirit died. The internet killed it.

Nothing really matters at all.

Signed,

a different woman using this woman's account

keep posting, the internet will one day discourage all of you, too.

Bissage said...

Thanks for the warning, nansealinks, but I got hollowed out decades ago.

So what.

Keeeeeeeep smiling!!!

ironrailsironweights said...

It's best to be cautious before saying that a man has a "swimmer's build." That is a popular expression in personals ads. Gay personals ads, to be specific.

Peter

ironrailsironweights said...

Note to Robin Givhan: it's best to be cautious before saying that a man has a "swimmer's build." That's a popular expression in personals ads. Specifically, gay personals ads.

Peter

Fred4Pres said...

Robin Given is just really into swimming. Really into it.

The Crack Emcee said...

I don't get it.

PatCA said...

America is horrible.

EDH said...

The same thing happened to a female swimmer, Flavia Zoccari of Italy, disqualifying her from the Mediterranean Games.

Cedarford said...

I feel so much better about being dazzled and stupified by the ass of an early 30s woman I play tennis with and who runs 10Ks. Now I know my reaction is not of a lecher, but more of a man motivated by the highest art aesthetics.

My wife will feel better. Perhaps apologize for her quite catty chat with the jockette (then some hostile "quality time with me" later) regarding the unfortunate selection of a thong underneath white chino shorts which she wore during a hot sweaty mixed doubles match last autumn. And my stupification - despite her playing with a new BF - who also, it seems, had only the highest aesthetic admiration.
One point, he was so intent on watching her crouching at the line, that a jamming serve I made hit him in the stomach and he didn't even try to hit it or get out of the way.
His choice was to watch the non-Adonis me, serve...or be summoned back to the divinely sculpted symmetry of a ressurected Diana, the Huntress??? I actually watched him move his eyes off the ball, back to the ass when she began bouncing and shifting her feet...right in my serving motion.

Oh, and of course the gal knows her effect on art appreciators. Just as Givhan knows magnificent ass is worthy of rhapsody.

Ralph L said...

As usual, Givhan is full ot shit.
Olympic-class swimmers have weird bodies, not classical Greek ones. The lungs and shoulders get too big, and they're gangly to begin with: all arms and feet.

Penny said...

"His ass is rebuking us!"

These will be remembered as the finger wagging years. It will go downhill from here if we don't focus on some asses in our nation's capitol.

Penny said...

And on another important note. That swimmer, he looked MIGHTY fine.

Dymphna said...

Robin Givhan is a flake and why she isn't embarrassed by the ridiculous crap she rights is some kind of anti miracle.

Beta Conservative said...

I've been rebuked by better asses than that. And more often that I'd like to admit.

amba said...

Well, my 63-year-old ass actually got grabbed recently. And all I could think about was how droopy it was.

Synova said...

You know...

That's written in the exact same "voice" as the catty remarks from Gates' daughter.

In all likelihood she was not being "catty" at all but writing in the style she's learned and views as good and skillful prose.

I think, however, that at some future date someone will refer to it as adoringly unlearned and charmingly overdone.

MamaM said...

What rebuke? I'm still envisioning an elegant and potent torpedo poised for break through.

When subconscious or subliminal messages run this close to the surface, who needs Rorschach?

rcocean said...

I've been rebuked by a lot of asses - usually at work.

nansealinks said...

bissage, as for hollow,

Nancy's version of Givhans longer rant is not filed on this laptop. A short quick writing is noted on June 24, 2007 of the Adpulp blog in a real beauty comment . I suppose the dove PR machine didn't and did appreciate that.

BTW, this is being posted from Colorado. Certainly hope Ann hasn't followed the path all the way from earlier days when Nance from the Cincinnati area (like Meade) posted on some pundits blog seven eight years ago. When did instapundit start up with some other slate commenters in the blogging world? Nance was there. From the filed records some pundit commented to her that they liked Keats poetry, but that was not the purpose. Also around that time Nance was committed to a behavioral health ward with paranoia tendencies. I mean if Ann and her pundit friends were or are still following the trail, then Nance was never paranoid to begin with. If not and this is all a coincidence of place and person, how sad that Nance's life and thought process had so much potential and now is nothing at all but a washed up fifty year old that is still most likely mentally ill, unemployed and a menace to society.