... and you just want some sparkling water — mineral water, club soda, seltzer, whatever — and the store has a choice of exactly one thing, and it's this...
1. Is this a crazy — possibly drug-induced — dream?
2. Oh, no, America is over!
3. Is this the Chocolate Factory?
4. Voluptuous women are pulchritudinous.
5. It has been determined: a. choice only makes people unhappy, b. best brand is Naleczowianka, and c. everyone must express delight with perfectly happy dance, like this: