November 15, 2009

"You're Gonna Want to Drop the Magazine and Do It on the Spot."

DSC05338

Sorry. I didn't buy the magazine. Nor did I open it at the checkout — which seemed rather dangerous. So I have no idea what this "move" is. But 71% sounds very scientific. Not 70. 71. I'm sure it's a very specific thing, since that's a very specific number.

44 comments:

kentuckyliz said...

87% of statistics are made up on the spot.

ricpic said...

BJ

traditionalguy said...

Can Chip animate "the move" from the cover's photo?

The Crack Emcee said...

If that photo's any indication, I'd guess it's blowing your head up to double the size of your body.

Immediate turn on.

John Lynch said...

Only 71%

Maguro said...

Baseball star Rickey Henderson, when asked to comment on Ken Caminiti's claim that 50% of all major league players used steroids, replied "Well, I'm not one of them, so that's 49 percent right there."

NoName said...

"90% of all statistics can be made to say anything 50% of the time."

jaltcoh said...

If it's such a great move, why are almost a third of guys not into it?

PatHMV said...

The problem is, with the other 29% of men, the move permanently damages their equipment.

wv: gonorp

--hmmmm... maybe the move makes it burn when you pee?

Donna B. said...

Is it possible that the "move" is "move out"?

Oh well, my guy says he's happy, still pays for my vices mostly with a cheery mood and thoroughly appreciates my acceptance of his vices.

Good points can only go so far, ya know? How long will a guy stay married to a gal who is a good cook if she's not interested in something outside the kitchen?

And how long will a gal stay interested in a guy who excels at taking out the trash if he doesn't also excel at knowing how to "re-charge the batteries"... so to speak?

I've always laughed at those who say one must work at having a good marriage, thinking that no... one should play with having a good marriage.

But then, very few people consider me or my ideas as normal or good.

kentuckyliz said...

The 29%ers recoil in shock, think you're a dirty libtard pirate whore, and break up with you.

If the women who read magazines like this would devote as much time and energy to their careers as they do to this trash, they'd be highly accomplished and successful and quite possibly rich.

Instead, they think the 71%er technique will snag them a rich guy.

kentuckyliz said...

Speaking of being a pirate whore...

...pirates are fun to play with, when you're in the mood to go slumming; however, they make bad husbands.

The next time you go on a cruise with your sweetie, remember to pack the dirty libtard pirate costume and the dirty libtard pirate whore costume. Fun fun fun!

WV polin - no kiddin

kentuckyliz said...

Re the 71%er technique, remember to use a nail brush and antibacterial soap to clean up afterwards.

Meade said...

I'll guess the "move" is "the first."

29% of men do not crave having a woman make the first move.

BlogDog said...

Putting a picture of noted pants-whizzer Fergie on the cover makes me wonder if that move involves ... no, I'm not going there. I'm not even thinking about sex with a chupacabra after looking at that face. OK, I am. But I didn't want to admit it.

Palladian said...

"If it's such a great move, why are almost a third of guys not into it?"

They're the ones who've realized that their gay male friend gives far better head than their girlfriend does and he throws in a rimjob to boot.

1jpb said...

Can't turn around w/o talk of teabagging.

1jpb said...

"If the women who read magazines like this would devote as much time and energy to their careers as they do to this trash, they'd be highly accomplished and successful and quite possibly rich."

Not to mention that guys can sometimes pick out when women are trying out one of these paint-by-numbers sex tips. As Shakespeare said: Lame love making doth sucketh. [I could be wrong about that quote.]

Shawn Levasseur said...

I know what the move is...

saying "yes" to sex.

Anything more is just gravy.

Most men are NOT that complicated.

J said...

Impossible, I say.

The variety of acts probably cluster around 5%, 55%, and 95% Not exactly binary, but binary with "ehhh, it's sex" involved.

71%? That's splitting the difference between "ehhh, all sex is good sex" and universally acclaimed.

So: woman on top, discussion of what needed to be done the next day, with some sort of odd, dirty malapropism from either party.

Damn it. Rorschached again

Methadras said...

kentuckyliz said...

Speaking of being a pirate whore...

...pirates are fun to play with, when you're in the mood to go slumming; however, they make bad husbands.

The next time you go on a cruise with your sweetie, remember to pack the dirty libtard pirate costume and the dirty libtard pirate whore costume. Fun fun fun!

WV polin - no kiddin


Argh!!! Thar she blows.

Michael Hasenstab said...

The checkout lane at Drop 'n' Shop was moving slowly. I had a moment to read the article while the family in front of me was being cashiered.

The article was brief, but quite informative.

The technique is this: Stop Talking, Dammit!

I can see where 71% of men would find that an amazing technique, worthy of an immediate, Do It On The Spot, boinking.

Mrs. H and I nodded silently in agreement and hurried home.

rick said...

Yogi......"90 per cent of this game is half mental"

kentuckyliz said...

Calls to mind the fact that prostitutes aren't paid for sex, they're paid to go away.

Don said...

Curiosity took me to the Cosmo web site. Wow. They even have a sex position of the day feature there. Who knew?
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/positions/sensual-shower-sex-position

Paul Zrimsek said...

Trust me: his #1 sex wish is that you would for Christ's sake quit worrying so much about it.

Expat(ish) said...

Someone gave my wife (who makes Althouse look plaint and silent and an anti-feminist) a subscription to Cosmo.

And we can't figure out who it is, which just makes it funnier.

The copies migrate immediately to our bathroom so our kids can't read them. Having just sat down and read an issue over a half dozen sessions (ahem) I am now relieved I know where the Penthouse letter writers went when online porn killed off their jobs.

Whoo, that is one direct magazine.

-XC

rdkraus said...

I'm a guy and I always open those magazines, then I read them while waiting to check out, then I talk to people in line, and we all laugh and make fun of the people in them. It's the best part about food shopping.

Then I come home and tell my wife, and she thinks I'm spending "way too much time" shopping.

Gotta grab your fun where you can. I thought those magazines were in the checkout line for my entertainment.

Robin said...

Ha. Expat(ish) was relieved while reading Cosmo in the bathroom!

Drew W said...

Did anybody notice one of the magazine’s other cover lines, on the lower right?

“He Shoots, He Scores!” Wacked-Out Things Guys Say In Bed

Here’s something I often say in bed: “Sweetie, you’re taking your half of the bed right out of the middle again.”

EDH said...

"Now that's a rump roast."

wv-"conym" = feminist strategy

Scott M said...

My sister-in-law, somehow an avowed liberal feminist, yet somehow claims to be a practicing Catholic (also married to a second-generation Italian practicing Catholic...go figure) is a rabid Cosmo reader.

As far as a man's number one wish? Duh. We're just not that hard to figure out.

pduggie said...

Apropos of the topic

http://www.cracked.com/article/156_7-sex-tips-from-cosmo-that-will-put-you-in-hospital/

Henry said...

A magazine is not a very big spot.

ta dum!

Sounds like the Freakonomics guys are branching out.

sonicfrog said...

ORA: Are the Honored Matres writing for Cosmo now?

Fred4Pres said...

You want the truth...you can't handle the truth.

Ann Althouse said...

@pduggie We are laughing out loud here at Meadhouse.

Expat(ish) said...

@Robin - Eek! I so did not mean it that way.

I'd always through of Cosmo as "clothes pr0n" - rather like C&D is "car pr0n". I was amazed to find it was really quite pornographic.

-XC

pura vida said...

There's a lot of research on magazine sales showing that numbers sell magazines. Like exact numbers on the cover, say 71% instead of 70, which seems like an estimate.

Oh, and they probably changed the number in the corresponding story inside to match the cover. I worked at a big magazine and we did that stuff all the time.

Tibore said...

As a different take on the topic: Damn all the girly magazines for taking the once illicit joy of Dear Penthouse and... and... and... commoditizing it! It's no longer something unique and unshared. :-(

save_the_rustbelt said...

I was caught in a slow moving checkout line yesterday, and was about to open the magazine and check out the move, when a couple of my former female students got in line behind me.

Should a grandpa, albeit a friskly one, be sneaking peeks at Cosmo?

I decided not.

Best move - "I am going to do this quick and then get your tv remote and the bottle of Jack Daniels."

Photog714 said...

It's the male counterpart to the Venus Butterfly, of course.

AST said...

Just so long as it's not teabagging.

shade said...

71% = 5/7, meaning they asked seven guys and five agreed.