April 9, 2010

Teed up for teasing. It's Tiger Woods.

In the new Nike promo:



Ha! Absurd. I know there are all sorts of instant parodies out there, and I haven't clicked on any yet. The original is already ridiculous. Shameless.

On the other hand: the leaderboard.

OR: You could say:
Without speaking a word, he humanizes himself. Tiger's close bond with his demanding father always felt like the one warm, relatable dimension of an otherwise cold and remote personality....  (By the way, is it me or is there something very Hamlet about the way a haggard Tiger gets interrogated by the ghost of his father on the misty ramparts of a golf course?)
Oh, please.

51 comments:

New "Hussein" Ham said...

What my thinking was: "Do you see the cans on that broad?"

What my feelings are: "Pretty sad that I'm not going to get much pussy for the rest of my life."

Did I learn anything? "White girls don't play, yo. Bitch slapped me with my own five iron."

rhhardin said...

It seemed okay to me.

The swoosh says that you too can be attractive to women.

Just watch out.

New "Hussein" Ham said...

Nike's new tagline:

Just Do Her

Penny said...

"The original is already ridiculous."

Excellent Nike! Different strokes for different folks, I guess. Pun intended.

While everyone knows that Tiger had a special gift as it relates to golf, there was no doubt about the role his father played in his making it to the top of his game.

Mentor's are often disappointed with their students, but the good ones persist with their message. Is there anyone who doesn't think that Tiger heard his father's words after the fall?

This was an extremely personal piece, and as such should go a long way in gaining some trust back from fans.

...That assumes that fans and the general public have it within themselves to "forgive the sinner" who is not them.

traditionalguy said...

Me thinks El Tigre has a touch of aspergers. His low emotional relating abilities are clear now that he is not masking it with Competitive Swagger or a substitute for emotional connection gained by sexual eros. He is an ordinary man. That endears him more to me than being a super hero.

David said...

Did you learn anything?

Apparently, no.

David said...

It's creepy and manipulative.

And I'm a Tiger fan . . .

Big Mike said...

Yes. In the end, let's look at the leaderboard. And in the end, Tiger and Erin have to come to their own accomodation.

PatCA said...

Terrible ad. WHO CARES?

David said...

The parodies are the link are pretty lame except for the first one.

One isn't a parody--it's brutal. The face shot from the ad with Tiger's voice from the voice mail telling his girl friend to change her phone number.

Jimmy Kimmel called it creepy and manipulative. I swear, I had not seen the YouTube of Kimmel when I made my earlier comment.

I bet Erin just loves the ad . . .

David said...

"Elin"

Chase said...

Word verification says it all:

shets

David said...

"Lord, make me chaste, but not yet."

David said...

He's thinking: "Dershowitz on the Supreme Court? Cool."

New "Hussein" Ham said...

It's not Tiger who needs "humanizing."

It's all the women he dehumanized who need humanizing.

ironrailsironweights said...

His father isn't really dead. I have it on good authority that he is being kept alive as a vegetable.

Peter

El Pollo Real said...

I was previously neutral on Nike. Now I'll avoid their products.

DADvocate said...

As I read some where, maybe here, Tiger's biggest mistake was getting married.

The ad is pathetic. I like the plane that flew over pulling the banner that said, "Tiger: Did you mean Bootyism?"

That assumes that fans and the general public have it within themselves to "forgive the sinner" who is not them.

He didn't sin against them.

Aridog said...

At the risk or being shunned or stoned...puleeezze...the dude plays Golf...that's a game where grown men/women whack a tiny ball a coule hundred+ yards, then search for it, and finding it, they whack it again...and go looking again. Riveting. Doncha dare miss it.

//needed?

Penny said...

"He didn't sin against them."

Agreed. However, the public and media reactions over the past months would have it appear to be otherwise. People have an awful lot to say about something that didn't really involve them.

Irene said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Irene said...

(Bad linky.)

Slightly O/T:

The UW-Madison announced today that it is ending its contract with Nike.

Mark said...

Ham, I really don't get that "dehumanized" thing. As I understand it, all the women he shtupped (sp?) were of the age of consent.

His wife, now I don't particularly begrudge her a swing or two. He made promises to her that he patently didn't keep, and ones that society as a whole has an interest in seeing kept.

But dude, one does NOT dehumanize a woman by seducing -- or even just hooking-up with -- her. (Not if it's done right, anyway.)

Penny said...

"It's all the women he dehumanized who need humanizing."

Is this New Ham pretending to be Gloria Alred?

He didn't rape anyone, but I feel certain at least a few of them will rape his bank account using precisely the words you used...."women dehumanized".

As far as I know, these women had sex with a rich and famous married man. Victims? That would be funny if so many didn't agree with your view.

veni vidi vici said...

What a rambling pile of sobbing sanctimonious buzz-harshingly mawkish sentimentality. One of the most gag-inducing commercials I've ever seen, and not least because the dude looks like he's about to start crying like the fucking Indian in those "don't litter" commercials from the 70's.

What the fuck is this guy, another black messiah or something? Someone needs to tell Tiger, "yo dude, already got one livin' in the honkey house; go back to Brentwood, bitch!"

Enough with this dude's personal problems already. Bad enough he's grown into a really weird-looking hombre; I don't care about his childhood for fuck's sake, just play some golf and stfu, asshole!

And yes, I would tell him this to his $30 million/year in endorsements face. Fuck him and his mental-bandwidth-robbing ass. The words "go quietly" obviously don't register on as colossal an ego as his, unfortunately.

And what's worse, some people (like the author of that execrable slate.com excerpt in this post) actually *care*!!! (head shaking in bemused consternation)


wv: "rumagglo" -- After the big "O", she feels the entire rumagglo.

veni vidi vici said...

"This was an extremely personal piece, and as such should go a long way in gaining some trust back from fans.

...That assumes that fans and the general public have it within themselves to "forgive the sinner" who is not them."

No, this assumes that fans will not feel rudely insulted by the blatantly obvious manipulation Nike/Tiger is putting on them. I'm sure some, but definitely not all, will embrace the ad though, as you did. The media (see, e.g., that slate.com thing) will play their part to flog the "proper narrative" and drown out any dissent from the "golden boy" narrative, and all will soon be forgiven.

At least until the big sponsors/endorsers/advertisers find a replacement for the guy and can safely pasture his ass without regret.

Kansas City said...

Amazing. I'm tempted to ask why Tiger would do it, but I suppose the answer is obvious.

What I found even worse was his press conference answer about it, where the script was that his father was still helping him and he made some comment about relating to others who had lost their dad. Shameless. Unless he meant that his father was still helping him make money with Nike.

I think much of advertising is worthless and the result of ad men conning advertisers, but here there seems to be a letigimate and interesting question about what this ad will do for or to Nike.

rcocean said...

Sorry, I liked the ad. And I think the golfers who worship Tiger and buy his Nike Golf shirts - unlike me - will like it even more.

Its an apology without getting sloppy or too personal. Lot of smart marketing people out there.

But as for Masters - Go Tom Watson!

Big Mike said...

It's not Tiger who needs "humanizing."

It's all the women he dehumanized who need humanizing
.

Well, the women he "dehumanized" were apparently well aware that he was married. I think they were doing him as much as he was doing them. It's kind of like the situation with the Mercury astronauts as described by Tom Wolfe in The Right Stuff -- there were plenty of women who wanted to score 7 out of 7. (The book suggests that no one scored with John Glenn, but who knows?)

Adam said...

What would Don Draper Think?

wv = gonitel: 1. a threat made by a wayward husband's mistress. 2. a hospice for recovering sex addicts.

Michael said...

I believe that his sainted father was himself a rounder who thought principally with his dick.

k*thy said...

Oh, please is right. The capitalization of redemption. Ridiculous and, oh so sad.

traditionalguy said...

Tiger is a man with a big learning curve in front of him, with no Dad to buffer his just plain reduced emotional skills and ordinariness by intensely coaching him into being a super golfer. Fortunately he has been wounded severely enough now to begin to relate to other ordinary mortals...a skill he had lived without developing in his life until now. As he grows a fuller emotional personality,let's not snuff him out like a sputtering wick but pray for his work of human growth to be achieved.Although some commenters here seem to think that they are fireproof, life hurts for most intelligent men with a mild disorder.

Methadras said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
David said...

" . . . let's not snuff him out like a sputtering wick . . ."

Interesting metaphor choice.

Methadras said...

I told you all that this would be the best thing that could ever happen to golf. PERIOD!!!

ironrailsironweights said...

During yesterday's Masters telecast the ESPN announcers kept referring to all the "pressure" which Tiger is under. Also competing is Phil Mickelson, whose wife and mother are both suffering from cancer. What's all this about pressure?

Peter

traditionalguy said...

@ David...That metaphor comes from a promise in Matthew 12:20.

Paul said...

It's like we're piling insincerity upon insincerity to unparalleled heights.

Getting drunk on a business trip with someone you work with and having sex might be a "mistake." Years of dedicated philandering with all the deceit necessary to cover it up is not a mistake, it's a revelation of character.

I don't actually care about Tiger Woods, I don't watch sports, I never thought much about him one way or the other, but he's become annoying.

k*thy said...

tradionalguy, while I do hope for his personal wellbeing and know how hard a row it is to hoe, there are often misteps and slips and detours to take along the way. I see this as a misstep. It's a private moment that we're asked to witness (and to sell shoes and golf shirts, in the end, I guess) that I feel is hugely inappropriate. Of course, he can learn from it and start again.

As far as his golf goes, I could care less how that turns out. He's got more important things to take care first - himself. The rest will fall into place wherever it's supposed to.

traditionalguy said...

@ K*thy...Well said. Thanks for having a compassionate heart. Of course Nike is also skillfully saving their investment here. Their stock went way up today. So what?

GMay said...

It's golf that made the guy famous, so I can't really say his personal life has ever mattered to me. Why people obsess over celebrities and heap expectations about anything other than what's made them famous is beyond me.

As tguy said, this is about Nike protecting a huge investment.

William said...

Buddha has taught that sensuality is the first step towards mysticism. By drenching his senses in pleasure, Tiger in his way is groping for enlightenment and a higher spiritual plane. He must have already led many past lives of moral perfection in order to have acquired the karmic privilege of boinking two porn stars in the luxury suite of a Las Vegas hotel. This relentless shagging is Tiger's way of trying to break on through to the other side, to seek some other dimension of human connectivity besides sexuality.... They say you do not have the wisdom to raise a child until you have had the experience of raising a child. In like way, you do not have the insight necessary to renounce the sensual path until you have slept with a thousand women....It is Tiger's karmic destiny to meet this world on a higher astral plane. I hope he gets together again with his wife. Perhaps her twin sister can move in with them. Together they can all explore the shining worlds that exist just beyond the banal rings of morality that hold us to this sullen planet.

amadi_construction said...

In 1996, the year before Tiger Woods, first win in a major championship, there were nine players on the PGA Tour who earned $1m. Last year, 91 earned more than $1m, many of them not even coming close to winning a tour event. Such has been the Woods effect and though many of his rivals will see his return as lessening of their chances at Augusta this week, all will have dreaded the prospect of a prolonged Woods exile from the sport

tim maguire said...

How do we know the voice is his dad?

Maybe it's his next score's pimp.

tim maguire said...

LMAO! I just went to the article and couldn't get past the first phrase: As Tiger was tearing up the course at Augusta yesterday

Umm...earth to Seth, Tiger is in 3rd place.

DADvocate said...

He's got more important things to take care first - himself.

Funny thing how self-centeredness has become the nucleus of "mental health" in our society. He did "sin" against his wife and kids. He owes them something first.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Nike: because ANY attention is good attention.

(Shoe bombers choose Nike over any other brand!)

Joe said...

Won't swear to it, but according to SportbyBrooks.com, this speech isn't even about TIGER, but is a quote taken totaly out of context. It REALLY, if reports are true, is Tiger's father talking about his ex-wife!!!

If true this, is just a creepy advertisement, designed to twist reality so you'll feel better about Tiger, and therefore buy some Nike Product(s).

I'm with the "Tiger is getting annoying" crowd....Sure I understand all the annoying....
Pro Golf, Pro Golfers, Nike, ALL have a stake in his "rehabilitation." Arguably his philandering cost Accenture and others a BILLION DOLLARS in lost value.

Well you don't lose a Billion Dollars and not work like H3ll to recoup your losses some how. I just don't care enough about golf, or "Tiger"-some shining example of multi-racial "shibumi" in some addled minds-to care enough to really want to put up with the coverage and "rehab" attempt(s).

He plays golf, and if I cared about golf I'd say he's probably one of the greatest players EVER. He's a golf player, who slept with, seemingly, every skanky ho that, or girl next door, he could lay his hands on. It's just not worth it, to me, to care, and I get tired of the Media trying to make me "care." I don't....

Had Tiger laid off golf for a year or two, taken Elin with him everywhere...had they worked in counseling for that year ot two, that would be a demonstration, to me (Not like my opinion matters) of his inner desire to change.

But this last bit, of "sex rehab" and now the Masters, just comes across as his attempt to recoup his golf fortunes and his endorsements, and Nike, and the PGA's attempt to re-float the "Tiger Boat" that helps sustain them.

PatCA said...

Oh, please indeed! Now sleeping around with whores rises to the level of Shakesperian tragedy???

A.W. said...

Yeah, this whole this is so creepy, it actually lowers Tiger in my estimation of him.

First, the quote isn't even about him, and isn't even scolding. Its just Earl comparing the parenting styles of him and his ex. That's why he doesn't really sound that much like he is brow-beating him.

And having a slick ad agency create a fake brow-beating by a dead father, doesn't inspire sympathy, a sense that he has accepted responsibility. It just makes you feel like he is trying to manipulate you.