October 1, 2010

"Pennsylvania judge arrested for handing out acorns filled with condoms."

A judge did this? Well, I'm sure he can explain it.

49 comments:

Sixty Grit said...
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madawaskan said...
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muddimo said...

bust a nut

traditionalguy said...

But if he was handing them out to first graders than he would be an heroic sex educator.

E.M. Davis said...

He's nuts about safe sex!

WV: Dembo, as in Dembo, Fennis, former basketball star at the University of Wyoming.

AJ Lynch said...

I see Trad guy already pointed out the contradiction in logic I had.

Maguro said...

It says the Judge lives and works in Intercourse, Pennsylvania so it's probably part of some obscure local festival.

And how do you get a condom inside an acorn anyway? That sounds pretty difficult.

EDH said...

Police say Stoltzfus, who lives and works in Intercourse, told them it was a joke.

How about a "barf bag" stuffed with acorns?

Marty Lamb, Republican candidate for Congress in Massachusetts Third District, sent one of his barf bags full of acorns over to Congressman McGovern's office to make the point that this long term incumbent has gone too far.

"People are sick over his vote to fund ACORN," said Lamb. "Failing to stop all federal funding for ACORN after being exposed for fraud shows you how extreme McGovern is and how he is so blinded by extreme partisanship."

Cedarford said...

Acorns are pretty small.

My 1st thought was that he was handing out acorns containing a condom intended for Japanese or Chinese. Though a article I saw six months ago stated that Japanese, Chinese, and other Asians resent the stereotype as untrue and the Japanese Adult Video industry is expressly trying to display well-hung Japs to rebut the Gaijin derision..

My second thought was they were condoms for mice with fully functioning human brains practicing safe sex.

former law student said...

So many facts are missing. How did the ladies know there was a prize inside? What did the judge say to them, if anything? Why did they accept the acorns?

I think the judge was volunteering to be a safe-sex educator passing out discreetly packaged condoms. If your little kids found an acorn in your nightstand they would ask no embarrassing questions.

former law student said...

c4: the Japanese adult videos I have seen always pixellate the genitalia for some obscure reason of modesty. It would be simpler just to increase the pixellated area than seek out the well-endowed.

former law student said...

Acorns are pretty small.

True. Maybe these weren't condoms, but finger cots.

traditionalguy said...

The Judge needs a creative defense here. I reccommend he present a scientific expert who has written a treatise on the squirrel population explosion and squirrel HIV, under a National Science Foundation grant. I bet there is one. The size of the condoms could be explained away...only the extra large squirrels whose erections are from eating carelessly discarded viagra pills and cannot climb anymore are in need of condoms.

exhelodrvr1 said...

Show the squirrel you're nuts!!

The Crack Emcee said...

Years ago, I did some recording in Intercourse, Pennsylvania, and no one understood my incessant giggling. I know - it's Amish country - but, I mean, come on.

As far as the acorn condoms are concerned, he was just looking out for the squirrels. Not to worry:

He'll have something for the froggies next.

reader_iam said...

Intercourse is east of Bird-in-Hand and north of Paradise. It's true: You can look it up! Don't recall there being any Condom-in-Acorn in Lancaster County, but you never know with those wacky PA Dutch types.

E.M. Davis said...

Don't touch that squirrel's nuts, you'll make him crazy!"

Ignorance is Bliss said...

Pennsylvania district court judge Isaac Stoltzfus, 58 was arrested for disorderly conduct after two women complained that he had handed him acorns that had been stuffed with condoms.

Pauxatawny Phil just email to say that neither of the women were worth nutting on.

wv excest - sex with someone you used to be related to.

Irene said...

Every now and then, a squirrel finds a nut.

Synova said...

LOL... Tradguy for the win. :-)


(Other than that... why was this a problem or public disturbance? If he was giving them to everyone I don't see how it would be harassment of the women.)

edutcher said...

I don't doubt there are stories about judges with a "sense of humor", particularly regarding things like sentencing, but it seems like the women who complained are the ones who need to lighten up.

PS We have a fridge magnet highlighting the location which says, "Virginia may be for lovers, but only Pennsylvania has Intercourse".

sonicfrog said...

Hey, give him a break! The squirrel population was exploding, and the judge, an avid opponent of animal euthanasia, was simply trying to do something about to.

MadisonMan said...

I did some recording in Intercourse, Pennsylvania, and no one understood my incessant giggling.

When you're from Pennsylvania, you stop giggling about the name Intercourse in about 7th grade.

A.W. said...

there has to be a james o'keefe joke here somewhere.

wv: pacatent. pacatent, pacasleeping bag, pacaunderwear, and pretty soon you are all pacaed.

A.W. said...
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SteveR said...

Even a judge from Intercourse passes out an acorn with a condom in it once in a while

tim maguire said...

It's illegal to hand out acorns stuffed with condoms? What else is illegal and which political savant thought of this particular law?

Lisa said...

Handing out condoms is a crime?

Pogo said...

Mebbe he's a modern Johnny Appleseed, hoping that from this tiny condom-filled acorn will grow a mighty hot air balloon.

Triangle Man said...


When you're from Pennsylvania, you stop giggling about the name Intercourse in about 7th grade.


But you can laugh about Intercourse Alabama your whole life.

exhelodrvr1 said...

sonicfrog,
"The squirrel population was exploding"

Aren't firecrackers great?!

John Burgess said...

You're all jumping to conclusions.

The judge was handing out squirrel-condoms!

He was doing the responsible thing, to keep the exploding squirrel population in check, something I think our host would commend.

Methadras said...

Was there a squirrel protest?

Methadras said...

Lisa said...

Handing out condoms is a crime?


No, handing them out in stuffed acorns is apparently.

jaed said...

I'm wondering whether someone was out to get the judge, Handing either condoms or acorns out to passersby on a public street does not seem to meet the criteria for "disorderly conduct". It's weird and strange, but being weird and strange in public is not in itself grounds for arrest.

peter hoh said...

Was this some sort of James O’Keefe stunt?

campy said...

It's illegal to hand out acorns stuffed with condoms? What else is illegal and which political savant thought of this particular law?

If you offend any woman at any time, you risk an unpleasant encounter with the legal system.

exhelodrvr1 said...

Maybe it was part of a study. What was in the placebo acorns?

mrs whatsit said...

I don't get it. However, I have discovered that if you Google "condom in a nut," you will find, among other things, the following description of United States Patent 5740814:

"A condom in a nut novelty, wherein a condom is contained with a natural nut. The nut is drilled to create a hole. A blade is inserted through the hole to quarter and then macerate the nut meat. The macerated nut meat is removed through the hole. A condom is inserted into the nut shell by introducing a piece of the condom into the hole, and then repeatedly twisting the condom around the hole and pushing the condom into the hole. The hole is sealed, and then painted to match the nutshell. The nut is cracked by the novelty victim to reveal the condom."

I still don't get it.

Skyler said...

I guess they don't really need a law to arrest someone. Kind of scary.

John said...

In the 60's there was a magazine called Avant Garde that published avant-garde stuff like naked ladies and men, fully exposed. Sometimes together.

I was in the Navy at the time and it was very well regarded as a stroke book.

But the articles were Oh, so high toned and intellectual.

It was published in NYC but was actually mailed from Intercourse and Blue Balls PA. This fact was one of the points the judge used in finding them guilty of sending porn through the mail.

I think this was in 1968 or 69.

John Henry

Methadras said...

ampy said...

It's illegal to hand out acorns stuffed with condoms? What else is illegal and which political savant thought of this particular law?

If you offend any woman at any time, you risk an unpleasant encounter with the legal system.


Well, then it's a good thing he wasn't handing out handi-wipes and mayo packets. Oh, the shuddering thought of such a scenario against women is to much to bear.

Irene said...

The first time I read this, I thought it said, "Pennsylvania Dutch arrested for handing out acorns filled with condoms."

Rumspringa.

Methadras said...

Is he nuts?

Ralph L said...

They made my 7th grade class take the train from Intercourse to Paradise in 1973. We were all from Virginia before that traumatizing, bareback experience.

Fred4Pres said...

Maybe he was trying to control the population of squirrels?

Fred4Pres said...

Seriously, why is this a crime? In a way it is free speech (like flag burning) although what you are exactly saying by giving out acorns stuffed with condoms is not exactly clear.

HDHouse said...

perhaps he felt that some who appeared in his court were too dumb to be permitted to reproduce and failing that option he chose a cleverer way to get the idea across?

and all the time I thought ..squirrels were just gathering acorns to eat.....

Sigivald said...

I'd love to see details of how that's "disorderly conduct".