February 24, 2012

At the Ambulance Café...



... you can enhance your performance.

32 comments:

traditionalguy said...

OMG, is that Braun's truck filled up with testosterone doses headed down to spring training?

Tyrone Slothrop said...

Nobody's going to stop the Ryan brothers from riding around looking out the back windows--it's their ambulance.

Steve Burri said...

Ann, I never took you for an ambulance chaser!

Carol_Herman said...

Is this truck cartying dead bodies around? Do the Ryan Brothers own a mortuary?

God said...

Shall we put a fence around the edge of the cliff, or send the Ryan Bros ambulance to wait down in the valley.

My dentist regaled me with a tale of some conservatives who, at first, chose the fence! The fence!

"For the cliff is alright if your careful," they said,
"and if folks even slip or are dropping,
it isn't the slipping that hurts them so much
as the shock down below-when they're stopping,"
So day after day when these mishaps occurred,
Quick forth would the rescuers sally
To pick up the victims who fell off the cliff,
With their ambulance down in the valley.


Then an old man came and strongly suggested the fence. He reminds me of Ron Paul, but no doubt your readers will regard him as a sort of Socialist... Nonetheless:

"Oh, he's a fanatic." the others rejoined:
"dispense with the ambulance Never!
He'd dispense with all charities, too, if he could:
no, no! We'll support them forever.
Aren't we picking up folks just as fast as they fall?
And shall this man dictate to us? Shall he?
Why would people of sense stop to put up a fence?
While their ambulance works in the valley?"


But the story ends with no fence, not even still! Just a call for Socialism, or so you might perceive it as such:

But a sensible few who are practical too,
Will not bear with such nonsense much longer
They believe that prevention is better than cure
And their party will soon be the stronger
Encourage them, then with your purse, voice and pen
And (while other philanthropists dally)
They will scorn all pretense, and put up a stout fence
On the cliff that hangs over the valley.

edutcher said...

The guy on the left looks like Tony Randall.

chickenlittle said...

I swear to God he looks just like that John Malkovich being.

Headless Blogger said...

The guy on the right is Paul Ryan. Not the Congressman, the late father of the hockey playing Ryans.

God said...

Hey El Pollo Real-

I know who you are, dude! And where you live! So I entrust you to keep to the confidentiality agreement that you'll find under your bed pillow... it's there now... with your signature... go and look if you are unbeliever! (But ask yourself first: Do I doubt?)

And it is just myth that I made man in my image. I made John Malkovich, and only John Malkovich, in my image. Some drunk writer just extrapolated from that, a long time ago, and it was completely unwarranted!

God said...

Here is one of my favorite quotes:

The atheist can't find God for the same reason that a thief can't find a policeman.

The author is unknown. I believe he came up with the witticism while looking for an ambulance, and couldn't find one.

Jane said...

Off-topic (but there really is no topic to this post, anyway): Can someone explain the whole Mormons baptizing Jews scandal to me? Unless you are a Mormon, you don't actually believe that they have in fact baptized the dead person, right? All they've done is performed a rite that claims to be a proxy baptism. So what does it matter? Why is anyone upset and acting as if they've actually caused any harm to anyone? I might as well claim that by reciting the Muslim statement of faith in the name of Pope Benedict XVI, I have caused him to become Muslim.

EDH said...

I guess I'll call it sickness gone
It's hard to say the meaning of this song.
An ambulance can only go so fast
It's easy to get buried in the past
When you try to make a good thing last.


What many think is the definitive live rendition of Neil Young's magnificently tortured Ambulance Blues (audio only)

Back in the old folky days
The air was magic when we played.
The riverboat was rockin' in the rain
Midnight was the time for the raid.

Oh, Isabela, proud Isabela,
They tore you down and plowed you under.
You're only real with your make-up on
How could I see you and stay too long?

All along the Navajo Trail,
Burn-outs stub their toes on garbage pails.
Waitresses are cryin' in the rain
Will their boyfriends pass this way again?

Oh, Mother Goose, she's on the skids
Shoe ain't happy, neither are the kids.
She needs someone that she can scream at
And I'm such a heel for makin' her feel so bad.

I guess I'll call it sickness gone
It's hard to say the meaning of this song.
An ambulance can only go so fast
It's easy to get buried in the past
When you try to make a good thing last.

I saw today in the entertainment section
There's room at the top for private detection.
To Mom and Dad this just doesn't matter,
But it's either that or pay off the kidnapper.

So all you critics sit alone
You're no better than me for what you've shown.
With your stomach pump and your hook and ladder dreams
We could get together for some scenes.

I never knew a man could tell so many lies
He had a different story for every set of eyes.
How can he remember who he's talkin' to?
'Cause I know it ain't me,
and I hope it isn't you.

Well, I'm up in T.O.
keepin' jive alive,
And out on the corner
it's half past five.
But the subways are empty
And so are the cafes.

Except for the Farmer's Market
And I still can hear him say:
You're all just pissin' in the wind
You don't know it but you are.

And there ain't nothin' like a friend
Who can tell you you're just pissin' in the wind.

I never knew a man could tell so many lies
He had a different story for every set of eyes
How can he remember who he's talking to?
Cause I know it ain't me,
and hope it isn't you.

Michael Haz said...

Mrs. Haz and I are going to spend a delightful Saturday in a class that when completed and our backgrounds duly checked, will allow us to legally carry concealed weapons in thirty seven states.

capcha words: Glock bangbang

Headless Blogger said...

Carol,

These two of the Ryan Brothers had the ambulance service. A couple of the other Ryan Brothers owned the funeral home. I am serious. You can look it up.

hb

JAL said...

Who's chasing this ambulance?

JAL said...

I might as well claim that by reciting the Muslim statement of faith in the name of Pope Benedict XVI, I have caused him to become Muslim.

The Catholics wouldn't have a big problelm with that, people have been dissing them for millenia.

The radical Islamists, on the other hand ...

Off with your head.

edutcher said...

Jane said...

Off-topic (but there really is no topic to this post, anyway): Can someone explain the whole Mormons baptizing Jews scandal to me? Unless you are a Mormon, you don't actually believe that they have in fact baptized the dead person, right?

Mormons consider it a belated entry into Christianity. Jews are rather sensitive about such things since the last Global Unpleasantness.

The main church does not endorse it, but there are fringe sects that practice it the way others still try to practice polygamy.

Lem said...

Lots of squares in that still.

Squares are not.. strong performers.. or so we are led/lead to believe.

God said...

Tony didn't call the ambulance. Or he did, but not until after pinching the life out of his young protege and heir.

He does it for some good-faith reasons (note the brief glance at the child seat), but mostly selfish reasons, and yet none of the reasons matter AT ALL. In the final accounting, ONLY the committed act matters. And although Chris is the one who dies... nay, is murdered!... this part of the story is actually all about Tony.

9... he will be okay... 1... he will be okay... but then... NOOOO! FLIP! The flip to damnation, and there-- right there-- Tony earns the final slaughter of himself and his entire family, so gross that David Chase refused to show it, all because of not dialing that final digit for the ambulance.

The ambulance is as Jesus Christ, and Tony, mindful as ever of all, refuses its (and his) salvation in the crucial moment.

chickenlittle said...

God said...
Hey El Pollo Real-

I know who you are, dude! And where you live! So I entrust you to keep to the confidentiality agreement that you'll find under your bed pillow... it's there now... with your signature... go and look if you are unbeliever! (But ask yourself first: Do I doubt?)


OMG! I just went to bed and found a horse head! The horse my daughter rides! You're a sick fuck, I hate you!

NotquiteunBuckley said...

"That said, the new study provides the strongest evidence yet that moderate drinking is not only fun but good for you. So make mine a double."

Indeed.

Perhaps that smell, so pungent and clear, of torts in the air will make the B. Arnolds of today think twice before causing premature death according to teh Science.

rcommal said...

Regardless.

Carnifex said...

I had to buy gas today. $3.75 where it was $3.20 last week. The news reports that it's over $6 in Florida.

Where is AmericanPolitico to tell us that the One is going to sweep to victory like the Greeks did the Trojans, while the REepublicans cry bitter tears because they ran an overweight guy, a Rino, or a misogynist?

As the Saudi's cut the rate of production, I am reminded of the time of GBII's re-election. The Iranians were making noise, and the Saudis had cut production then too.

But GBII did something a lot of Americans got mad at him for doing. He went, hat in hand, and asked King Faisal to please increase production.

And Americans were pissed that our president had acted "weak".

But that's on the surface. Because if you had read 'The Seven Pillars" by T.E. Lawrence, you would know that is how you get Arabs to do want you want them to do.Arabs place great emphises' on "face". It accorded the house of Saud great honor to do this minor thing for their friend the president.

You do not order your Arab. You must treat your Arab as an equal. You do not order their servants. You do not have your servants order their servants. And you must act like the thing you want done was the Arabs idea. I think GHWB knew this because of his long association with the oil industry.

Now we have the same occurring. But instead of someone who understands the Arab pysche, we have the One. Who bows deeply to the King. Who makes himself lower, subserviant to the King. And then sends a woman to treat with them? Do you not see this as an insult to them? I cannot see the current State Dept reading Lawrences book? Would they soil there little ivy league dreams with a book writen by such a bigot?

Gas will continue to inch upwards, the economy will stall, the EU will crumble, and rioting will be the order of the day.

Re-election chances for teh One are looking as good as his Solyndra, and Volt sales projections.

Carnifex said...

@rcommal

I think the word you're looking for is irregardless. :-)

Carnifex said...

The FBI has sent out a flyer to coffee shops to be alert for terrorists.

Signs for suspecting someone of being a terrorist include paying cash... for a cup of coffee(the horror... the horror!) Other useful signs are "a preoccupation with mapping and photos of travel routes, sporting venues, and population centers" In other words, using Google Maps, Google Earth, etc.Also included is reading news about terrorism and politics. You know, CNN, MSNBC, ABC, (If you read FOX, I think they just shoot you, right there). And don't use AOL, that's a tell of a terrorist too.(no really, don't use AOL. It sucks) Don't shop on line and try to keep that Paypal account secret. That's a no no. Don't buy food in bulk(sorry Sam's, sorry Costco). So if you work in a coffee shop, or anywhere, or just don't like your neighbors dog barking all fucking night long...just call the FBI. They'll be sure to cheat...I mean treat ya' right.

fleetusa said...

Ann,

You should check out the articles on the NYC grade school teacher evaluations because U of WI profs were behind the grading and apparently slightly modified grading will ultimately be rolled nationally.

Of course the unions are continuing to wine about it.

Hagar said...

I wonder if Obama making these speeches - sometimes in the same week - that if not directly contradictory, does not quite match up to each other, is the result of his playing a role to start with.
Kind of like a Tony Curtis movie with try as he might, he is Tony Curtis from the Bronx and cannot quite blend in as either Hajji Baba or The Black Knight.
There ought to be someone at the White House checking for consistency with the character, but hubris may prevent that, and there apparently is not anything inside himself that watches and critiques the act.

Hagar said...

Especially since these speeches are about governing deatails in the traditional sense of what presidents are supposed to do, and that is not what is mainly on Mr. Obama's mind.

ken in sc said...

I just returned from a trip to south Florida. The typical gas price was $3.75. The $6 gas was probably at a station just outside an airport, the last station you could fill up at before returning a rental car. They could charge this because the rental companies charge $9 a gallon if a car is returned and not full of gas. $6 sounds like a bargain compared to $9.

rcommal said...

I can remember paying, for example, $1.35 a gallon for gas 30 years ago.

Doesn't anyone else?

Like the cost of college educations, gas prices operate in a separate universe, so far as I can tell. It's true that they do so in different ways and even directions, but still, they have that weirdness in common.

rcommal said...

Dang! I'm getting exceptionally good at the new wv regime!

Heh.

Joe Schmoe said...

So here's the post where God was first compared to Malkovich.

I liked you better as George Burns. Malkovich can be a little sadistic. (Great bit, though.)