July 31, 2012

"Romney Photo Spurs Domestic Abuse Incident."

"Suspicious that his live-in girlfriend was planning an affair, a Tennessee man confronted the woman after spotting a photo of an unknown guy on her Facebook page..."
Lowell Turpin, 40, “angrily demanded to know who the male was,” reported Anderson County Sheriff’s Department investigators.

Crystal Gray, 38, “replied that it was a picture of Mitt Romney.”

Despite being informed that the man on Gray’s wall was the presumptive Republican presidential candidate (and not some hunky, severely conservative sidepiece), Turpin apparently was not placated....

43 comments:

Dose of Sanity said...

(and not some hunky, severely conservative sidepiece)

Hahahahahaha

Dose of Sanity said...

Obama the Boyfriend is a current tag.

Now should we have Romney the Mistress?

shiloh said...

Albeit somewhat amusing, minutiae never dies ...

chickelit said...

and not some hunky, severely conservative sidepiece

Hoax! severely conservative

At least he wasn't reduced to a codpiece.

Matthew Sablan said...

This reminds me of the... was it a College Humor? ... skit where the girl finds a McCain photo in the guy's bedroom and runs out screaming. Or do I have the genders reversed? I forget.

I do sometimes forget not everyone is up to date enough on current events to recognize prominent politicians.

Coketown said...

Damn, that guy looks fierce. I bet Ms. Gray was fifty shades of blue after that scuffle. Holy shit this whole story is awesome in every detail. Hahaha. Oh my God. Can you imagine? Hahahaha! And if it was Obama instead? "WHY IS HE ASKING FOR MONEY?!" Hahahaha. Oh my Loooord. "THREE DOLLARS?! OR WHATEVER YOU CAN SPARE?!!!" Those are some cheap tricks, honey. Oh my God, hahahaha. And then one immediately thinks, "Who is this guy on your phone?" "Relax babe, he's just a Representative from New York."

DADvocate said...

Anderson County has the highest average level of education of any county in Tennessee. Guess how bad it is in the other counties.

Boy, that guy is ugly! Makes me wonder what the woman looks like.

Original Mike said...

"I do sometimes forget not everyone is up to date enough on current events to recognize prominent politicians."

A la Jay Leno's jaywalking.

chickelit said...

Coketown mused: Damn, that guy looks fierce.

Isn't that about how you picture Shiloh? I know I do.

Cedarford said...

Turpin - A 310 pound guy with no neck and a look on his face that screams "moron"?

A natural Obama voter.
The guy has to be getting some free government entitlement checks and probably wants mo' free money.

traditionalguy said...

She's lucky that wasn't a picture of a NASCAR driver other than Saint Earnhardt. The he really would have let her have it.

AllieOop said...

Coketown looks a bit frightening himself with that KKK hood on.

Icepick said...

"Relax babe, he's just a Representative from New York."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!

Rocketeer said...

Coketown looks a bit frightening himself with that KKK hood on.

What the heck are you on about?

On a somehwta related note, though, why is Coketown using a portrait of Robert Byrd as his avatar?

Rocketeer said...

Or maybe it's Bull Conner, or Preston Brooks, or Hugo Black, or George Wallace...

edutcher said...

As the Duke noted, "Life is tough. If you're stupid, life is tougher".

The corollary is:

If you're stupid and violent, 3 to 5 is the best you can expect.

shiloh said...

Albeit somewhat amusing, minutiae never dies .

bathtub swabbie forever whines about wanting posts unflattering to the Romster; he gets one and can't tell it when he sees it.

Sad.

Strelnikov said...

Mitt Romney: Home Wrecker.

Eustace Chilke said...

I didn't see anything in the story that proves Romney is not screwing her.

traditionalguy said...

Maybe it was one of those lusty Mormon Missionaries on a mission to test out before marrying extra wives.

Good thing she got his picture.

But did he try speaking French to her to seduce her? That is an old Mormon trick first used by Count Brighamme DeYounge.

PatCA said...

What next; will women start fainting at Romney rallies? :)

He's even got the sexual momentum!

Mary Beth said...

No "he shouldn't fight with his sister" jokes?

yashu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
yashu said...

Heh.

This reminds me of a blind gossip item that made the rounds a few months ago, which also made me laugh:

Which blonde bombshell celebrity is obsessed with Mitt Romney? Although she has never identified her political beliefs publicly (that we’re aware of), she apparently is in love with the candidate and told friends that if he becomes president, she someday plans on becoming his “Marilyn Monroe.”

Haha. Watch out, Mitt. LOL at a Mormon JFK.

Saint Croix said...

"You know you got to bail me out of jail, right?"

"Not until you calm down."

"Bail me out of jail!"

"He's nobody. He's a Mormon out in Utah. Or Massachusetts. Or, or, or Michigan. He's definitely--"

"Bail me!"

"--not from Tennessee."

"Out of jail!"

"It's innocent. I really wanted Newt Gingrich."

"Who the fuck is Newt Gingich?!"

"Nobody!"

"Baby, I love you. What am I going to do if you leave me? I'm going to cry like a hound dog."

"Don't cry. Don't cry, sweetie. You can't cry in jail."

"I'm crying. I don't even care. They'll cut with me a toothbrush. I don't care! Run off with your Yankee man."

"No! I just like his tax plan."

(Blubbering) "I kn--I kn--I know I don't have any money."

"Baby!"

"And I'm fat. I'm so fat."

"I'll bail you out!"

"I just get so angry because of my love. And I need you so bad."

"I know, baby."

"They won't even let me have shoelaces in here."

Saint Croix said...

So Allie Oop says,

Coketown looks a bit frightening himself with that KKK hood on.

And Rocketeer says,

What the heck are you on about?

Like her joke makes no sense at all. Like the KKK reference is out of left field.

Simultaneously, Rocketeer notices that Coketown has a KKK cartoon for his avatar.

On a somehwta related note, though, why is Coketown using a portrait of Robert Byrd as his avatar?

That just cracks me up. "I know Allie Oop is evil, so her KKK reference makes no sense whatsoever. Complete crackpot. But, I have noticed, independently, that Coketown does have a KKK cartoon avatar."

AllieOop said...

Hehe, thanks St. Croix, very astute of you.

yashu said...
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yashu said...

Saint Croix and Allie, I believe that *was* Rocketeer's joke. "On a somewhat related note, though": obviously setting up the punchline. IMO.

Unless you two are making a joke about not getting Rocketeer's joke, in which case the joking around here's getting too meta for me...

Or you're right that Rocketeer completely missed the connection between the two items that he linked himself. I guess that's possible, but I find it implausible.

Anyway, alas, I suck at comedy.

Saint Croix said...

I believe that *was* Rocketeer's joke.

A lot of jokes fail on the internet because you can't see expressions or get the context. I'm often joking and people miss it.

Anyway, alas, I suck at comedy.

What are you talking about? You laugh at my shit. You're brilliant!

And this is funny.

Romney's a race-mongering pyromaniac wimp! A vulture vampire felonious race-mongering pyromaniac bully wimp.

yashu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Saint Croix said...

I have an excellent sense of humor.

Yes you do!

So I google "yashu," and I came up with this guy. He's not actually like you at all, but it's still funny.

yashu said...

Heh, thanks St. Croix.

I said I suck at comedy. But I have an excellent sense of humor.

Just like, I don't know how to cook. But I'm a great gourmand.

Saint Croix said...

I wondered where your comment went! Were you correcting your spelling?

Saint Croix said...

that music will make you insane, though

Saint Croix said...

If punk rockers played like that, it would inspire real revolution.

yashu said...

Heh St. Croix, deleted my comment to edit it just as you posted.

Replaced "gourmet" with "gourmand." Thought I needed a word with more gluttony in it and less fastidiousness.

Though as you can see I sometimes get pretty fastidious anal-retentive about words.

yashu said...

Like, in my corrected comment I forgot to italicize "excellent". Damn. I will resist the impulse to scratch that itch and edit yet again. Don't want to descend into obsessive-compulsive comment correction.

Saint Croix said...

you're still cracking me up

sensational baby musician, dancer, singer and comedian!

just don't swallow the microphone

Saint Croix said...

Replaced "gourmet" with "gourmand." Thought I needed a word with more gluttony in it and less fastidiousness.

Though as you can see I sometimes get pretty fastidious anal-retentive about words.


Do you read Rex Stout? You have to read him!

yashu said...

"sensational baby musician, dancer, singer and comedian!": I must put that on my business card.

Aw, that's an adorable Yashu! I'm not quite that cute.

Haven't read Rex Stout. I'm woefully, shamefully underread in detective fiction; but it just so happens lately I've been wanting and meaning to get into it-- thinking of starting with Raymond Chandler. Yesterday's post on Simenon put him on my list too. Rex Stout sounds great-- do you suggest any particular Stout work to start with? What made you think of him?

Saint Croix said...

He's a gourmand! Or a gourmet. And he knows the difference in those two words.

Start with this one or this one or my favorite, this one

Stout is awesome.

Saint Croix said...

Stout is also a master of the novella. He would publish 3 or 4 at a time. My favorite collection of his smaller works is this one.

I tend to prefer murder mysteries (i.e. Christie) to the American detective form. But Stout is just amazing. Just a master of the English language.

yashu said...

Thanks, Saint Croix!

I was an Agatha Christie buff as a kid; that's the only detective fiction I'm really familiar with-- and reading at that age means not getting all its pleasures. It would be fun to read Christie again.