August 1, 2012

"I have to admit that while my politics generally tend to the liberal option, on this one issue of chipmunks, I can see the NRA point of view."

"Part of me wants these suckers to die."

Says Mayor Citizen Dave.
Also: "I love tomatoes enough to rethink my concerns about global climate change."

Self-interest. It's baked in. 

34 comments:

traditionalguy said...

That was very funny writing by Dave.

He could electrify his chicken wire so that it acts like a Bug Whacker. But small grandchildren might get offed too.

Let's hope the shotgun pellets don't stray into the ripe tomatoes.

chickelit said...

It's telling how he conflates the NRA with the phrase "Part of me wants these suckers to die."

Such a lapse between unconnected thoughts for an elected official.

rhhardin said...

Chipmunks are easy to tame, as any kid knows.

Calypso Facto said...

What's that old saying? A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged by chipmunks? Or something like that.

edutcher said...

Not unlike Teddy Kennedy and the windmills at Maaatha's Vineyaad.

rhhardin said...

I would use a peanut butter diversion, moved further away each day.

Chip Ahoy said...

He has some very good ideas, the wire floor, I didn't catch anything about a lid, roof, or top. Eventually you keep going until you get to greenhouse. But he didn't mention garden ornaments like owls and cats and raptors and flamingos with uzis and garden gnomes with scary antichipmunk weapons. To fake them out.

Or at least make them feel extremely uncomfortable.

Sounds that blare unexpectedly, water that sprays intermittently or targets sprays by movement.

I should invent that. Water sentry. Sprays uninvited visitors directly. Harmless otherwise.

deborah said...

Chipmunks are the cutest. It's the Canada geese I'd like to see humanely dispatched.

Chip Ahoy said...

You saw the video of those awful boys who set up a squirrel slingshot trap. It worked. Then they wrecked their serious work and contribution to humanity by giggling hysterically like evil little girls and falling all over.

PatCA said...

And the seas off Massachusetts are filled with sharks -- because the feds protect the seals, which have multiplied to the point of attracting every hungry shark within a thousand miles.

Oh what a tangled web these enviros weave!

Meade said...

Step 1: Grow something chipmunks like.
Step2: Get cats to get rid of the chipmunks.
Step 3: Get dogs to get rid of the cats.
Step 4: Get one of THESE to chase off the dogs.

Ann Althouse said...

"Chipmunks are the cutest."

Yes, because they have stripes.

Skunks are cute too!

Meade said...

They're all cute. Until they eat your food.

Fact is they're thirsty. Squirrels and chipmunks don't even like tomatoes. They take one bite because they're looking for water. Then they spit out the rest.

Set out pans of water and they'll leave your tomatoes alone.

Amartel said...

Citizen Dave will continue to push the big government agenda on global climate change and the NRA but he (ruefully, jokingly, but not really because look he wrote a column about it) wants you to know he's sacrificing his individual interests for the good of the collective.

Citizen Dave: Droning Drone.

I congratulate the chipmunks on their campaign to annoy the shit out of Dave and wish them continued success in the future.

AllieOop said...

Deborah, I agree with you on the Canada geese. They terrorize me at certain times of year when I want to get my mail. I take an umbrella with me rain and shine and when they start hissing and flapping their wings at me I flap my umbrella, scares the bejesus out of them, hehe.

My neighbors don't laugh, they understand and some have stared carrying umbrellas to their own mailboxes:)

ndspinelli said...

Pans of water laced w/ cyanide.

Ann Althouse said...

"Pans of water laced w/ cyanide."

That could kill somebody's dog or cat... or child.

I considered deleting your comment for that reason.

The Drill SGT said...

At our upstate NY camp we encourage Chips and hate the red squirrels.

Dave could Fedex me his excess Chips :)

PS: for the squirrels, it's the pellet gun option. The foxes and the coyote are hard on cats. Very hard. Lost one of ours that way.

ndspinelli said...

Don't get you undies in a bunch, Althouse. It was a fucking joke and your commenters are smart enough to know that. I guess I have more respect for your commenter's intelligence than you.

Wait a minute, edutcher...don't put cyanide in water it might kill the neighbor kids.

Penny said...

After reading these comments I've decided for sure.

I AM EARTHMOTHER!

Now step away from my "kids", or I'll blow your damn heads off.

ndspinelli said...

Penny, Lol!! But be careful, the doghouse is for both men and women.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Poisoned grain in small boxes with little openings that the birds cannot get into.

Works on the ground squirrels. Probably would work on the chipmunks.

Alternately. Just go ahead and give them feed and water in a location away from your garden. Downside.....explosion of population which is not good for anyone, including the chipmunks.

Meade said...

"Don't get you undies in a bunch, Althouse. It was a fucking joke and your commenters are smart enough to know that. I guess I have more respect for your commenter's intelligence than you."

Trouble is you don't. Demonstrated by your joke lacking any real funniness.

wyo sis said...

Liberalism...easily undone by chipmunks and bad jokes. Kill kids but let the furry creatures live until they chew a hole in MY tomatoe.

el polacko said...

i used to think that squirrels were cute...until they decided to live inside my walls.

AllieOop said...

Bats in your belfry is no fun either.

Carnifex said...

Here's how you take care of chipmunks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cw3AY28S8gU&feature=fvwrel

(I keep forgetting how to link, so you'll just have to paste.)

Ps

DO try this at home, and yes he is a professional

Carnifex said...

@Allie

I thought your infamous(or is that famous) pet of yous would take care of all pests?

Carnifex said...

ohh. Forgot to mention...feeding the little bastards just draws more. Ever see fewer squirrels at a full bird feeder? Don't feed the wildlife!

AllieOop said...

Carnifex,
Naw, it's a wussy, remember?

Carnifex said...

A tip to the wussy...grass don't grow on a race track.

;-)

ed said...

If you want to keep squirrels or chipmunks out of something sprinkle cayenne pepper on it or around it. Like bird seed. Birds don't have the necessary receptors to process cayenne pepper as hot but squirrels and chipmunks do.

As for the pan of water. That is entirely possible since this has been something of a hot summer. And to combat mosquitoes people are a lot less likely to leave standing pools of water.

Doyel akter said...

Roofing is the covering on the uppermost part of a building.
A roof protects the building and its contents from the effects
of weather and the invasion of animals. Structures that require
roofs range from a letter box to a cathedral or stadium,
dwellings being the most numerous.
roofing

Rusty said...

deborah said...
Chipmunks are the cutest. It's the Canada geese I'd like to see humanely dispatched

Until the chipmunks undermine your sidewalks. Then they're not cute anymore.
Geese are tasty. Learn to hunt them.


ndspinelli said...
Pans of water laced w/ cyanide.

Like Ann said there could be collateral damage.

A five gallon bucket 3/4 full. Throw in couple of handfuls of birdseed. Put a longish narrow board to the rim of the bucket.
At 3/4 full a squirrel can get out, but a chipmunk can't and drowns.

I use a five gallon bucket with a lid that pivots. put a little seed on the lid along with the aforementioned ramp and the little critters fall in, but can't jump out. Then it's a quick trip to a nearby woods and let them go.


ed said...
If you want to keep squirrels or chipmunks out of something sprinkle cayenne pepper on it or around it. Like bird seed. Birds don't have the necessary receptors to process cayenne pepper as hot but squirrels and chipmunks do.

Yeah. I tried that and now the squirrels prefer the pepper laced food.
They're alive because they're adaptable.