October 22, 2012

"The twigs and acorns crunching pleasurably beneath his boots, Mr. Autumn Man Dennis Clemons, 32, reportedly strolled..."

"... down Massachusetts Avenue on Wednesday wearing a gray sweater over a plaid collared shirt as he cradled a cup of pumpkin-spiced coffee and relished the crisp October morning."
“Nothing beats autumn in New England,” said His Excellency, the Duke of Fall, who began the day swaddled in a warm flannel blanket, gazing out the window at the golden-hued landscape, as is his custom this time of year. “Everywhere the leaves are changing and the temperature is starting to drop off. You can smell it in the air.”

28 comments:

MadisonMan said...

Before I clicked the link I was envisioning some weird NYT Style piece.

AJ Lynch said...

That is really really good writing.

Scott said...

"According to reports, Mr. Fall will then put on a down jacket with a fur-trimmed hood, buy a lift ticket at a local ski slope, and start getting short with people at work because the early sunset “affects his mood,” thus signaling the completion of his metamorphosis into Mr. Wintertime Asshole Man."

TheThinMan said...

The SNL skit you linked to plays automatically. I have keep swating it down. Very annoying v

TheThinMan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joe Schmoe said...

The Onion piece is pretty good. Had some potential, but kind of ran out of steam at the end. The funniest part for me is that the part you quoted in your post could've been cribbed right from a NYT gauzy weekend puff piece.

This sounds like a typical fall weekend for Titus, sans the sports thing.

Scott said...

OT: Drudge is vicious today. :-)

Shouting Thomas said...

A bit of a heat wave in Woodstock. I think I'll take a bicycle ride around the lake.

Baseball needs to cut two weeks out of the regular season so that the World Series is over by October 15.

But, I'll still watch the Card/Giants tonight. Don't know who to root for. Cards are the Cub's nemesis, but you gotta admire that organization.

rhhardin said...

I had a pair of trousers
A jolly shade of green
I wore them in the summertime
And kept them bright and clean

Now autumn is upon us
My pants are turning gold
And soon they'll fall and blow away
To leave me bare and cold

(Gyan and Lennig _Billy the Rabbit_)

rhhardin said...

Gyan and Leunig, you can't read his handwriting in doubtful cases.

madAsHell said...

Not fair!!

I was half-way through the thought "Who the fuck wrote this..." when it dawned on me. It's The Onion!!

rhhardin said...

A bit of the Gyan and Leunig song here, choose Owed to Autumn.

The Bottle also struck me as nice.

Dick Stanley said...

Hadn't noticed The Onion flag at the top, but the last line was a giveaway.

john said...

Baseball needs to cut two weeks out of the regular season so that the World Series is over by October 15.

The NBA needs to cut their season by about 2/3.

College football needs to be completely finished on/by New Years Day.

The NHL should return to being a winter sport only.

Since there is no pumpkin in the window, kids should just stop ringing my doorbell


Yes, these shorter days are making for grouchier old farts.

FleetUSA said...

My first taste of New England autumns was at Navy OCS in October 19xx. Wonderful.

john said...

Major Monday Morning Mixup:

NYT fall lifestyle article mistakenly sent to Onion.

Bill Keller's funny guest Onion article mistakenly sent to NYT.

ricpic said...

Eustice Tilley goes rustic.

edutcher said...

I thought Massachusetts Ave was in DC.

EMD said...

It only took you 12 days to get around to this.

EDH said...

The kind of guy you like to see mugged for his smart phone.

Maybe I'll be hiding behind a tree to kick his ass when he drives out to go apple picking in Bolton?

edutcher said...
I thought Massachusetts Ave was in DC.

Runs through Boston over the river and to Cambridge ...to granny Warren's office at Harvard Law School we go.

EMD said...

I always thought this was one of our better-written articles.

SomeoneHasToSayIt said...

All time greatest Onion headline, imo?

'What's-His-Face' Fires Publicist

EMD said...

All time greatest Onion headline, imo?

'What's-His-Face' Fires Publicist


Some of The Ledger's greatest hits:

Area midget keeps low profile.

IKEA employee contracts mysterious veneereal disease.

Woman goes home alone after inadvertently wearing "fuck-you" pumps.

Area woman the black licorice of arm candy.

Missing 8-year old found alive, media inconsolable.



MadisonMan said...

All time greatest Onion headline, imo?

From way back when TT was governor:

Governor declares November Masturbation Month

For some reason, the juxtaposition of TT and a declaration about masturbation to this day makes me chuckle. That and the insanity of the Govt declaring this is such-and-such month.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

That was pretty funny. I can relate to Mr. Wintertime Asshole Man. I bitch every year about daylight saving time.

Yesterday it was a beautiful afternoon, Indian Summer weather. The leaves on the trees are turning and we spent some time raking up the piles. I sat on my deck in the early afternoon sun, reading a book and drank a Blue Moon beer. It was beautiful and warm with just a hint of crispness in the air. Lovely

This morning we woke up to 2 inches of snow, supposed to snow all day and it is expected to be 21 degrees tonight.

WTF?!? What happened to the transition between Fall and Winter. I feel Mrs. Wintertime Asshole beginning to arrive.

Sam L. said...

And a damn fine job of it he does, Scott!

Methadras said...

I always get a laugh out of how the Onion characterizes the leftist douchy hipster faggot. They are always spot on.

Alex said...

It's an Onion satirization on the NY Times "lifestyle" section.