December 14, 2012

All over the world, women are self-comforting...

... grasping their skirt hems and rolling, rolling them upward, absent-mindedly.

Meanwhile, women eat cupcakes, cupcakes, which were ranked among the 10 most overrated things in the world, which made me say:
The only reason cupcakes are popular is because people have forgotten actual cake, which is moist and tender. Cupcakes have way too much edge... and that fluting doubles the already-too-much edge. But if you never eat real cake, you don't notice. It's like how good crackers are if you never have bread or how good a popsicle is if you never get a nice big dish of ice cream.

But people won't go back to cake, because you can't get a slice of cake and carry it around with you on the street. How would it be presented? It can't be sliced and left out on the shelves like cupcakes. You'd need some saran wrap or something to keep it from getting dried out.

So here, lonely ladies of America, here's your pre-dried-out cake: cupcake.

It sounds like something an old-fashioned guy would call you if he thinks you're pretty, so maybe you're thinking about him as you walk down the street licking icing and choking down dry cake... and tears.

49 comments:

Palladian said...

Who would want cake when you could have Charlotte Malakoff? Everyone loves this dessert when I make it.

chickelit said...

The drapes-for-skirt in the 3rd photo is particularly ugly.

What was she thinking?

Palladian said...

We should try to be like the commenters at "The Sartorialist".

Palladian said...

I love all your photograph! So chic and stylish!

Palladian said...

Beautiful and elegant!

Palladian said...

The way she makes links to Amazon is so creative!!!! Absolutely adore her!

Palladian said...

SO LOVELY!

Kisses!

Robert Zaleski said...

You call someone cupcake because you are essentially calling someone cutie. Don't you know small is cute. Babies, Kittens, Puppies are all small, and hence cute. Cupcakes are small and hence cute. Nice to look at, but I agree cake is better. But Cakes aren't cute, they are big and make you feel guilty just looking at them. Even a slice of cake is big.

Rob said...

Actually, I had Charlotte Malakoff, in eleventh grade. She was great.

George Grady said...

Plus--ugh--the frosting.

If your cake is so lousy that it needs frosting to make it edible, you should work at making a better cake. A good cake needs nothing to distract from itself.

deborah said...

"Kisses!"

Mwwwwa! Hey cupcake, how's it hangin'?

Chip Ahoy said...

I love Urban dictionary. The further down you go the funnier and more off base they get.

7. cupcake 444 up, 380 down
when someone cups their hand over their ass when they fart and throw the now handheld fart in your face
" yo shut up or ill cupcake you!"
"lol, dude johnny is asleep. should i cupcake him"

tim in vermont said...

I thought Tbe Ballad of John and Yoko settled this. You eat chocolate cake from the bag.

deborah said...

Cupcakes are a pain to eat, and they're usually not that tasty. But they are very cute, and practical for certain types of groups. If one concentrated one could make a delicious cupcake.

YoungHegelian said...

It isn't just cake or cupcakes that suck now. Almost all baked goods purchased out suck now.

Baking is not only labor intensive, but the products require are expensive (e.g.butter, high quality fruit fillings, sugar, good chocolate). And what you don't sell in a day is essentially worthless. It's a hard business model for today's world.

Between me & the Mrs, we can bake better stuff than what we can find anywhere but at one or two bakeries in the DC area. She still has issues with consistently cranking out a good cake.

leslyn said...

From the original comments: "These are so beautiful. All these women are so graceful. Or maybe there’s simply grace in the gesture itself."

Who knows why or how the photographer caught these? The gestures aren't like they're holding their dresses up to their mouths and sucking their thumbs.

I like cupcakes. I like the crispy parts best. In fact, there is a subclass of cupcakes where only the top is eaten; so only the top is baked.

YoungHegelian said...

@Palladian,

We should try to be like the commenters at "The Sartorialist".

Many of us are, just on the other side of the emotional spectrum: "Oh XYZ, you're back. I'm sad to hear your surgery was successful.."

But, like you, when chicks get all squeally sweet & affirming with each other it makes me want to hurl.

edutcher said...

If women are pulling up their skirts, it means they want the economy to improve.

As for cupcakes, if they're well made, they'll stay moist.

Never had a dry Tastykake cupcake in my life.

Ann Althouse said...

"You call someone cupcake because you are essentially calling someone cutie. Don't you know small is cute. Babies, Kittens, Puppies are all small, and hence cute. Cupcakes are small and hence cute. Nice to look at, but I agree cake is better. But Cakes aren't cute, they are big and make you feel guilty just looking at them. Even a slice of cake is big."

Layer cake is vulva-like!

Ann Althouse said...

You know what's cute? A button.

Ann Althouse said...

"I thought Tbe Ballad of John and Yoko settled this. You eat chocolate cake from the bag."

Hey, thanks! I never understood the lyrics of that song completely, including that line. Looked up all the lyrics:

Made a lightning trip to Vienna
Eating chocolate cakes in a bag
The newspapers said
"She's gone to his head
"They look just like two gurus in drag"


Is there an "s" on cakes, really? How big is that bag? Or how small are those cakes? Wouldn't it be a kick in the head if they were eating cupcakes in Vienna?

I thought it was "Eating chocolate cake in the back" — I pictured them in the back of a train to Vienna — and "gurus in black." I've thought that for 40 years.

Patrick said...

Maybe this is what Anne Hathaway was trying to do, and she just got carried away.

Ann Althouse said...

Also... if it was part of bagism, weren't they themselves in the bag, as opposed to the cake(s)?

edutcher said...

Ann Althouse said...

You know what's cute? A button.

No, Sherlock.

Ann Althouse said...

Yes, look at this: at the line "eating chocolate cakes in a bag," Yoko and John are themselves getting into a bag.

Chip S. said...

edutcher @1:11,

Pissed about Althouse's comment about the seal badge?

Can't say that I blame ya.

Scott said...

This is male self-comforting.

Judith said...

And don't get me started on pies! (A true lost art.)

Scott said...

Women are tarts.

Men are muffins.

Scott M said...

Luckily, I married a woman who self-soothes by lightly scratching my back.

Freeman Hunt said...

We should try to be like the commenters at "The Sartorialist".

Ha! The comments over there always crack me up.

You could have some beautiful waif with Walmart sacks on her feet, and people would be saying, "Oh! So amazing!" "Unexpected beauty!" "Where do you get those sacks?! Must have!"

Anthony said...

I think women pulling up their skirts is a fine habit to get into.

Patrick said...

Whenever I look at the Sartorlialist, (which is only when Althouse links it), I always get the feeling that I am an uninteresting dresser. Thing is, when I look at older pictures of myself, I don't recoil in horror, as in: why did you think a mullet was a good idea, why did you think spiked hair was a good idea?" Years from now, I won't have to ask myself "why did you think skinny jeans were a good idea?

If the price of that is not appearing on the Sartorialist, I can live with it.

Patrick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Patrick said...

You could have some beautiful waif with Walmart sacks on her feet, and people would be saying, "Oh! So amazing!" "Unexpected beauty!" "Where do you get those sacks?! Must have!"

With the added bonus of a link to their own fashion blog!

Hazy Dave said...

On "The Office" last week, someone suggested getting mini-cupcakes, and Kevin got all up in their faces because a cupcake is already a miniature cake and NO WAY are either of them acceptable substitutes for getting a REAL cake! Wotta character.

Hazy Dave said...

QUOTE: "Layer cake is vulva-like!"

The original title (and hence the cover art) to Little Feat's "Sailin' Shoes" album was "Thanks I'll Eat It Here".

Lowell re-purposed the title for his solo album a few years down the road, and the cover art there seems to include Bob Dylan and Fidel Castro...

Skyler said...

Someone at the NYT says cupcakes are a ten year old fad and no one thinks to question it.

ricpic said...

I didn't even know the rolling up the skirt thing was so prevalent. Does the skirt take the place of a blanket, as in the way little kids trail around a blanket for comfort? Not putting it down, I'd seriously like to know.

Sam L. said...

You haven't had my daughter's cupcakes.

Sam L. said...

You haven't had my daughter's cupcakes.

deborah said...

I've never seen it ricpic. Probably a new affectation like gravelly voice, or whatever it's called.

leslyn said...

They looked to me like:

Scratching a thigh

Oops! Pulling down that pesky slip,

And, a girl who likes her really long skirt and has both hands free. That's handy with really long skirts.

Ann Althouse said...

@Hazy Dave LOL

deborah said...

The top one may be running the fabric between her fingers because it's silky, etc.

The middle one may be hot, and wants to cool with air.

The third is just walking holding her skirt because it's too long and she'll trip walking with it hanging down.

Ameryx said...

A friend and colleague recently told me that he used to be able to predict an oncoming recession based on the sales of cupcake paper. The theory was that mothers, unable to afford a full cake, substitute cupcakes. (In economics, we would call cupcakes an inferior good, because demand for them would go up when income goes down.)

HT said...

I don't think it's correct to say "the reason is because"

reformed trucker said...

Fresh, home made cupcakes are as good as regular cake.

Plus that's what I call the wife's boobs. "Big daddy wants some cupcakes!"

One morning the wife asked the youngest what she wanted for breakfast, and she said "Cupcakes! I know you bought some, because I heard dad asking for them this morning!"

Damned heat registers...

tim in vermont said...

Who knew that web commenting was "bagism"?