January 30, 2013

"At-Home Dads Make Parenting More of a 'Guy' Thing."

From the Wall Street Journal:
At-home dads... take pride in letting their children take more risks on the playground, compared with their spouses. They tend to jettison daily routines in favor of spontaneous adventures with the kids. And many use technology or DIY skills to squeeze household budgets, or find shortcuts through projects and chores, says the study, based on interviews, observation of father-child outings and an analysis of thousands of pages of at-home dads' blogs and online commentary.

"Just as we saw a feminization of the workplace in the past few decades, with more emphasis on such skills as empathy and listening, we are seeing the opposite at home—a masculinization of domestic tasks and routines," says Gokcen Coskuner-Balli, an assistant professor of marketing at Chapman University in Orange, Calif., and lead author of the study. "Many men are building this alternative model of home life that is outdoorsy, playful and more technology-oriented."

60 comments:

rehajm said...

"You wanna beer?"

"It's 7 o'clock in the morning!"

"...Scotch?"

EMD said...

Sounds awesome. Let's keep up the good work guys!

mccullough said...

The Women's Studies professors now have something new to bitch about.

EMD said...

In related news, duct tape sales up.

Shouting Thomas said...

The usual load of crap.

ricpic said...

In other words at home dadding leads to a pigsty house.

kentuckyliz said...

Sounds fun to me.

whoresoftheinternet said...

Men: doing the jobs women do, only, as always, doing it better.

Enjoy the decline, mofos!

Shouting Thomas said...

whore,

You're just as annoying and stupid as Ritmo, but from an entirely opposite perspective.

It's amazing how that is possible.

whoresoftheinternet said...

lol.

Feminism works to denigrate straight white male behavior.

I celebrate it and defend it.

And, according to Shouting Thomas, I'm the bad guy.

And he's supposed to be sympathetic with my side of the spectrum.

Enjoy the decline!

Erika said...

Re: taking risks: I let my kids take physical risks all the time, and I'm constantly getting judged for it. I probably wouldn't if I were the dad.

(Really, doesn't anyone else remember climbing trees? And surviving cut fingers and skinned knees?)

Coketown said...

So who teaches the kids such things as committing to routines, keeping order and structure, and not half-assing chores--sorry, I mean "finding shortcuts." I know this isn't as FUUUN(!!!) as blowing off routines in favor of adventures, but its necessary to functioning as an adult.

People seem to have parenting confused with the plot of The Goonies.

And mothers have always complained that their kids don't find them as fun as their fathers. I think that's how it should be.

Shouting Thomas said...

And he's supposed to be sympathetic with my side of the spectrum.

You're wrong. I'm not "supposed" to be anything, and I don't belong to any political group.

I dislike moronic assholes of all persuasions, and you fit the bill.

Shouting Thomas said...

You've hung out with leftists for too long if you're swinging that dead cat.

No, you're just a fucking idiot. Take it from me. The best thing you can do is to shut the fuck up.

BDNYC said...

Slow news day. Just a bunch of impressions, anecdotes, and idle banter.

Shouting Thomas said...

whore,

Every fucking idiot of every political persuasion comes to the same conclusion that you just came too, that utter ruthlessness is the only answer.

That is, in fact, what makes you a fucking idiot.

edutcher said...

Boys will be boys.

Reversing the Gramscian march.

Next thing you know, parent will go back to being a noun.

Shouting Thomas said...

Right. Tell me, ST, how's that civility working for ya?

Not embracing utter ruthlessness gives me a good life.

My life is not controlled by politics.

I've lived through good eras and bad eras. Makes no difference to me. No matter whether external reality is good or bad, no matter whether the world is going to hell in a handbasket, I have a good time and enjoy life.

The punishment for embracing utter ruthlessness is that you have to sleep in the bed you made.

You're mostly inflicted misery on yourself.

Coketown said...

If there were a thread mother here, the shouting match between ST and whore would be over. They're just so much better at tempering masculine aggression.

And fuck you if you disagree, idiots.

Shouting Thomas said...

... the shouting match between ST and whore...

I haven't raised my voice, yet.

You'll know when I do.

garage mahal said...

@whores

I love you as a human being and I hope your family is healthy and happy.

Shouting Thomas said...

I've got a gig tonight with my brothers and friends in the Old Dawgz, whore. We're playing in Woodstock, one of the great stops in the music biz, and some of the great heroes of the music biz will probably stop by to sit in.

Yeah, I'm suffering.

Shouting Thomas said...

To quote Henry Miller: Against stupidity we are helpless.

I gotta get my gear together.

edutcher said...

Is it me, or does whores sound like Diamond?

Off meds?

The Farmer said...

Shouting Thomas said...
I've got a gig tonight with my brothers and friends in the Old Dawgz, whore. We're playing in Woodstock, one of the great stops in the music biz, and some of the great heroes of the music biz will probably stop by to sit in.


The mind reels.

Shouting Thomas said...

@The Farmer

Life is good. You've got to get it while you can.

EMD said...

In other words at home dadding leads to a pigsty house.

I'm not an at-home Dad, but we both work,so we split a lot of the chores. Well, I do most of the chores, and keep the house clean.

Having OCD helps?

Tim said...

I LOVE showing pictures of my daughters at the gun range shooting pistols, shotguns and rifles to the parents of my daughters' friends.

The reaction is almost always priceless.

We live in a candy-ass, bike helmet world now, and it sure the hell isn't the fault of conservatives and other normal Americans.

Lem said...

At-home dads...

As opposed to titie-bar dads.

DADvocate said...

Just as we saw a feminization of the workplace in the past few decades, with more emphasis on such skills as empathy and listening,...

I keep hearing about this empathy and listening thing regarding women, but I don't see it. Where I work, which is about 75% female with mostly female project managers and account managers and in every department except mine, I see a sense of entitlement more than anything. "I'm a woman, I deserve special consideration..." The only men who think that way in our company are account executives who are enamored with their own supposed intelligence, but there are just as many women afflicted with this sort of self-love also.

DADvocate said...

Having OCD helps?

People with OCD think it helps, but it doesn't.

DADvocate said...

I love you as a human being and I hope your family is healthy and happy.

Thread winner. Frankly, I don't know why you guys bother to respond to whore. I'm mildly impressed at his creative anger/hostility, but why respond?

Glen Filthie said...

I worked in a 'feminized workplace' once. Won't ever do it again either. It might be politically correct, but it is unproductive as hell and the office politics women indulge in are insane. They are more worried about pecking orders than getting the job done.

Classical gender roles work just fine for me, thank you very much. If some beta male girlie man wants to play home maker that's his business. I would rather be out working.

Carl said...

See? Women get turned on by switched sex roles, too. This is the female version of a man enjoying a good lesbian pr0n clip.

Revenant said...

I keep hearing about this empathy and listening thing regarding women, but I don't see it

I see the *appearance* of it, but no actual increase in understanding appears to come of it.

furious_a said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Henry said...

One thing I've noticed is that higher-risk playground behavior attracts all the other kids.

Henry said...

@Dadvocate, 6:46: Well said.

furious_a said...

Study says: Men who do housework get less sex.

They get even less when they don't.

Henry said...

One should also not underestimate the advantage of parenting through neglect: Go! Play!

JAL said...

Sounds good to me. Using The Dangerous Book for Boys as a guide.

Steve Koch said...

edutcher said...
"Is it me, or does whores sound like Diamond?"

Don't think whores is diamond since diamond is a snarky lefty while whores seems like an angry male conservative.

Steve Koch said...

For sure fathers tend to play rougher with their kids than moms do, no surprise there.

mikee said...

Over a decade ago when my daughter was 7 she and I dissected a 2-foot long squid on our kitchen table, much to the amusement of my wife.

I recall my Dad in the 1960s taking all 6 of his kids into the woods every Sunday to cook marshmallows over a wood fire that he taught us to build.

There is nothing new under the sun, and you don't have to be a stay at home Dad (which I have been for far longer than my wife has wanted) to achieve risky adventures with your kids.

Kirk Parker said...

Erika,

"Climbing trees ain't the half of it!

Janet Dubac said...

I think men are as capable as women in running a house. Gender role stereotypes are a thing of the past.

Anglelyne said...

DADvocate: I keep hearing about this empathy and listening thing regarding women, but I don't see it

Revenant: I see the *appearance* of it, but no actual increase in understanding appears to come of it.


Word.

Think of the genuinely kind, thoughtful women you know. I've met lots. Now think of the women you know who jaw a lot about how empathetic and nice and sharing women are. Know any in the latter group who aren't assholes? Me neither.

Kimberly said...

Janet Dubac said..."I think men are as capable as women in running a house. Gender role stereotypes are a thing of the past."

Agreed. Which is why, as mccullough said, the Women's Studies professors and other radical types will immediately begin bitching about this. Their entire ideology is based on the idea that women are special, in a very stereotypical way, and that men always revert to a feral, untrustworthy, violent state when given the chance. If anyone dares suggest that men may be the better nurturers in some, or many, families, the hackles will be raised.

Anglelyne said...

Janet Dubac: "I think men are as capable as women in running a house. Gender role stereotypes are a thing of the past."

The latter statement doesn't necessarily follow from the former. Men and women will run a house differently, and interact with children differently. Dad running the household competently doesn't obviate the need for a mother, any more than mom earning money obviates the need for a father.

That is, "gender stereotypes". Not "parent 1" and "parent 2".

Strelnikov said...

The "parenting" movement long ago discovered the perfect "parent" and it's a mother.

southcentralpa said...

YMMV, but the things I find are that: 1) More Dads tend to walk their children to school as opposed to just minivanning it, even from only three-four blocks away, and 2) The old dynamic of the kids taking the Mom for granted and fawning all over Dad when he's home definitely gets reversed when Dad stays home with the children.

rcommal said...

At-home dads... take pride in letting their children take more risks on the playground, compared with their spouses. They tend to jettison daily routines in favor of spontaneous adventures with the kids. And many use technology or DIY skills to squeeze household budgets, or find shortcuts through projects and chores, says the study, based on interviews, observation of father-child outings and an analysis of thousands of pages of at-home dads' blogs and online commentary.

Sounds a whole lot like so many of the homeschoolers I know, the primary parent doing such being women. Huh.

p kerit said...

I raised two sons after my wife left but I wasnt a stay at home kinda guy. I had a 40 hr job and some rent houses and I built hot rods and Harleys. Life was good, then the steenkin leetle boys grew up and graduated from college.
Good kids, one Electrical Engineer, one Certified Jeweler

Seeing Red said...

Wait until the SAHD find out their insurance coverage will be full cost according to the IRS ruling cos SAHP's aren't dependents.

Ann Althouse said...

We delete whoresoftheinternet (as a moby) and this leaves a number of comments addressing "whores," which makes them sound much more rude than they are.

elkh1 said...

Now the woman has to carry the baby for nine months, give birth, and earn a living. When the couple splits, she has to pay alimony, he gets to keep the kids who have a stronger bonding with dad than with mom who always goes off to make money. She is too old to raise another family, he, meanwhiles, can raise another broods whose mother is so busy climbing the corporate ladder.

Unknown said...

I'm a SAHD. My kids have four responses they are allowed to give me when I address them:

1) Yes, Dad. (Not "yes." Not "okay." not "Uh huh." "Yes, Dad."

2) No, Dad.

3) Thank you, Dad.

4) No excuse, Dad.

Does that sound masculinizing to you?

Segesta said...

My wife left, moved 1800 miles away, so I get to take care of the house and our child... but that was fine: the house is still clean, the laundry still folded, the dishwasher is still empty, and the homework is still checked.

The main difference is that there isn't a woman around to complain about having to help with these things. The tasks just. get. done.

tim said...

As a stay at home dad (I've gone Gault), I say thank God for stay at home dad's. My intro to being "dad" was when a friend and her new born little guy lived with us for his first year and a half. Now we have a 14 month old little guy ourselves and the difference in male and female parenting was striking to me. I kind of always thought, (or was taught/indoctrinated) "a parent is a parent," but that is completely incorrect.

One of the main differences and something that I pointed out to the godsons mom and to my wife is something covered in the article. Moms don't let the child struggle and then succeed. If the child gets frustrated trying something, mom immediately is "here let me help." Dad is closer to "I will let you struggle and then HELP you find your own solution."

My point being, think about that in a larger context of our society where the vast majority of parenting in the last 70 years or so has been the mom. The over mothered children have grown up without the God given right to fail. More important is the right to fail, learn, strive, then succeed. Is it any wonder that vast swaths of our society is always looking to someone else for help with my house, food, school, (school food), birth control,... infinity?

I have heard somewhere "never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." Here I was thinking liberalism was an evil ideology, turns out it's just a stupid one, especially for deemphasizing the critical role of the father.

Deborah Hill said...

I was in the military for 7 years (so in a male-dominated workplace), and have been a SAHM for 13 years (the female-dominated "workplace"). I have to say: I miss working with guys. I welcome them to the "stay-at-home-parent" club. Women are hard to work with, and in large groups they're impossible. Also insane. When I was in the military, everybody worked together whether we liked each other or not -- we were mission-focused and we got sh!t done. In all the PTAs and moms groups and playgroups I've been in, I went crazy with all the back-stabbing, gossiping, judging, lack of focus, and self-pitying. I got tired of defending my strict disciplining and my willingness to let my kids fail at something or get physically hurt. I say, bring on the stay-at-home dads!