June 19, 2013

"Try eating a couple of raisins."

A tip from a list of tips. Guess what the goal to be achieved is before you click through.

ADDED: David in the comments guesses longevity, which is wrong. I don't think commenter David is David Sedaris, but in the new David Sedaris book, Sedaris describes his father's formula for longevity:
The secret, he tells me, is to eat seven gin-soaked raisins a day.

“Blond or dark?” I asked.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Could I possibly cut out the gin part? Marinate them in, I don’t know, coffee or something.”

“Do you want to live or don’t you?” he asked.

When I told my father about Dan’s prophecy [that the first person who’ll reach the age of two hundred has already been born], he said, “Aw, baloney. A twenty-year-old kid in Holland, what does he know?”

“He learned it in school.”

“No, he didn’t,” my father said. “The guy was just pulling your leg.” He had a similar opinion of the plastic bags hanging in Francine’s doorway [for keeping the flies away]. “It’s just a load of BS.”

“As opposed to seven gin-soaked raisins keeping you alive until you’re eighty-nine?”

“Hey,” he said, “those raisins work!”

20 comments:

Bill, Republic of Texas said...

They chose that photo for an article on how to masturbate less? I don't think they believe in their message.

edutcher said...

I would have said lose weight.

The only one that's gonna work is #1 if it means finding something in which you believe strongly to do.

rhhardin said...

He's mistranslating "virgins."

David said...

Get old.

MadisonMan said...

Stop hiccups?

Now I'll go read the article.

Icepick said...

Getting smoothed out?

Kevin said...

I fapped to that. Thanks!

Icepick said...

I started to read the post and then got distracted by the pic of Christina Hendricks' breasts down at the bottom of the page.

john said...

Too late. I'll try again tomorrow.

Chip Ahoy said...

I indulge my inner prick instead by clicking off tickle-ya-with-a-feather made up series by pulling out of one's ass, human-interest in jacking off articles that spread their wisdom over two pages. Instead of one page like the National Geographic photos of animals.

Splooge. Ah, that was great. I like the way my legs go paralyzed and out of control at the same time.

I been jacking that inner prick a lot lately especially relating to right wing political sites. Twice this morning already. Linked to something of right-wing interest but blocked first by something that ABSOLUTELYMUSTBEFUCKINGLOOKEDATFIRST and it pisses me off so I leave. Here is something I wold like right-wing site operators and other jack off related sites to internalize:

it's

not

that

interesting.

Icepick said...

it's

not

that

interesting.


As opposed to Christina Hendricks' breasts, which ARE that interesting, if not more so.

Fritz said...

Hard to do while in the womb.

C Stanley said...

The raisins might work for women, in the same way that aspirin works as birth control.

David said...

This other David guessed hiccups.

0-2 for the Davids.

traditionalguy said...

Sedaris reads/narrates his own books on Audible, and he is a very funny man.

Mitch H. said...

I may have to try the gin-soaked raisins thing. Sounds like they might be an interesting snack to have on hand.

Mary Beth said...

Teresa Kerry (while campaigning for her husband) said that gin-soaked raisins (white ones only) were a remedy for arthritis.

Doug said...

Just last month, my doctor told me about this home cure, after a prescription meant to remedy my stiff and sore left knee failed to do anything. Awaiting results, but in the meantime, gin-soaked raisins are a novel way to start my day.

Doug said...

Just last month, my doctor told me about this home cure, after a prescription meant to remedy my stiff and sore left knee failed to do anything. Awaiting results, but in the meantime, gin-soaked raisins are a novel way to start my day.

cassandra lite said...

As an inveterate raisin eater--several every morning--I can assure you it doesn't work.