August 30, 2013

"I dress left. Way left. Far left, filling the pant leg."

"I have always dressed left. I will always dress left. It’s just the way it is. I do not and cannot go right. It defies logic. It does not compute. When I am with people who dress right, I feel like a member of the Star Ship Enterprise listening to Klingons without the help of a universal translator.
I feel that left dressers are open minded.

I feel that those whose appendages sway right are often – pardon the pun – rigid and dogmatic.

I feel that left dressers are compassionate.  I feel right dressers are penurious.
Ha ha. Read the whole thing. That's something I found while looking for something to put at the link on "dress right or dress left" in my "hideously asymmetrical" post.

The blogger — A Desperate Man — is Stephen Metcalfe, who's a playwright, screenwriter and director. His film credits include some movies I've seen, like "Arachnophobia" and "Pretty Woman."

9 comments:

cassandra lite said...

"I feel that left dressers are open minded.

I feel that those whose appendages sway right are often – pardon the pun – rigid and dogmatic."

It's not easy to refute yourself so completely in consecutive statements. Metcalfe is a real artist.

Ipso Fatso said...

I throw left and dress right. I bat right, play golf right and write left handed. I never thought about how I put cloths on until now. I kick right as well. As a lefty, I find some people are fascinated by left handed people almost to the point of creepiness. I am on-the-right-politically. Just sayin'.

twolaneflash said...

Penis jokes? Really?

Rocketeer said...

Maybe this is only an issue for men wealtheier than I am. I've never bought a suit that wasn't off the rack. I've never been asked about whether I "dress right" or "dress left," and frankly, I've never thought about it. It goes where it wants to go; I don't prod it to one side or the other when I put my pants on, though I will cop to it seeming to favor the right, but I don't force it back if it wants to go left for a day every now and then. But now that I am thinking about it, my only thought is: I can think of nothing more penurious than consigning one's cock to a life on one side or the other, right or left. "Let it go where it wants, when it wants!" is the not-so-secret goal of every normal man that ever lived. I guess when it comes to how it's hangin', I'm a "small-l" libertarian.

So, yeah. there you go. Is this the kind of thing that I can look forward to entertaining myself with when I give up travel?

EDH said...

"I got a surprise for you!"

To quote Oliver Wendell Holmes, who actually dressed neither right or left but instead scotch taped his appendage so that it aimed straight up at his navel...

"I just went from six to midnight."

Sigivald said...

I feel that the author is an idiot, unless he's making a joke.

In which case he's simply bad at being funny.

madAsHell said...

Titus is a playwright??

Rocketeer said...

I feel that the author is an idiot, unless he's making a joke.

In which case he's simply bad at being funny.



Where your pleasantries are not rewarded with the laughter of readers, cease and desist from writing witticisms in the future. The defect is in you, not in your readers... For these are movements of the mind, and if they are pleasant and lively, they are an indication and a testimonial of the nimble mind and the good habits of the writer-- this is particularly liked by other men and endears us to them. But if they are without grace and charm, they have the contrary effect, so it appears a jackass is writing, or that someone with an enormous catfish mouth is acting like a hooker that falls in love with her john in some hackish movie.

Sam L. said...

You rarely find a blogger who's a troll.